When I Wasn't Good

Blog Post created by Dancingthrulife_6.4.13 on Nov 5, 2014

~~I forgive myself for having believed for so long that I was never good enough to have, get & be what I wanted.  ~~  Ceanne DeRohan


I'm a very happy person.  Very appreciative for all I've been blessed with.  Very positive.  Very hopeful.

But I haven't always been this way.  And I think it's now important to really share with you a part of my not so positive life because maybe it will help someone else.  Maybe it will keep things in perspective. 

A little over 4 years ago, I was here on ex....quitting, making friends, helping others.  I thought I was doing well.  One day after a particularily devistating event, I wasn't doing well anymore.  Rock bottom on the healthy emotions scale!  Crying uncontrollably, feeling hopeless......it was bad.  And the worst part was I never saw it coming.  It had nothing to do with this site.  It had nothing to do with my quit.  It was ME.  I was the problem and I was a mess inside.  And I didn't know why.

I called a friend.  She listened, she didn't judge, she didn't offer advice.  And then I talked with another friend in West Virginia.  She listened, she was practical, she was funny.  And then I looked within and knew it was time to fogive myself, time to let go of the negative self-talk and self-beliefs, and time to change.

I tried therapy for awhile but it wasn't helpful to me.  (It may be to you, however, so do NOT follow in my footsteps.  Please get professional help if you need it!!!)  I ended up quitting my highly stressful job, focusing on my lovely kids and grandkids, got healthy physically through yoga and good nutrition, and found a job I absolutely loved.  And mostly I learned to love myself....my faults, my flaws, my talents, and my heart.  Some would call this whole person wellness.  I simply call it a miracle :)

Now?  I found my quit....519 days, I believe.  I won't be smoking anymore.  I like myself too much and I am edcuated on all I need to do to keep my precious quit.  Surprisingly, there's more!!  Quitting is only a small part of who I am as a person (although its one of the most important things you can do for your physical and emotional health!!).  I have found my balance.  And if I don't see something coming, now I have a group of family and friends who will tell me it's time to take care of myself.  I can't do it alone....no one truly can.  And I'm ok with that!

So why I am telling you this now?  Because maybe you don't see it coming.  Take a good look inside yourself....are you balanced?  Do you feel good about who you are?  Are you healthy or heading towards good health?  Do you have positive coping skills?  If you say no to any one thing, maybe you need change.  Positive, lifesaving, wonderful change :)  Grab your support system, educate yourself on you (what makes you happy?  How much sleep makes you feel better?  What are you good at?), and understand that you deserve an amazingly good life.  Let the negative fall away with the cigarettes.  You don't need either.

Quitting is a good step in the right direction!  Life is a journey.  Skip down your path with a light heart, shining your light for all the world to see.  I can't wait to see it :) 

May you all find balance today and surround yourself with those who love you.  God bless,