My life is boring at the moment. I am still lusting over someone who isn't interested and I am trying to make it stop. I am starting to think that there is something wrong with me here. Something I definitely need to talk to my Councillor about because I know that this isn't healthy for me. I have started to ignore most of his messages on Facebook. I didn't even reply to the last message. But I will have to eventually find out when he is working so I don't go to the store when he is on. I have been drinking every night for the past week and a half. I know this is really bad.
Lately I haven't been drinking to self medicate. I have been doing it to relax. I won't talk to the Naked Mind Tribe about this. I think they think that I am not serious about cutting down. I refuse to go back to my Acamprosate because I don't like the side effects of not being switched on and stuttering. I can't write music under that kind of condition!
I remembered why I used to smoke. I was dealing with a terrible break up with an emotionally abusive partner and I had him tell me the lie that smoking relaxed me. I once had looked forward to lighting up to deal with the stress of those cravings and mainly just self medicate. Looks like I am still doing the same with alcohol when it's all just making it worse. I am looking forward to a few days of sobriety. But I have no strategies in place atm. But I hope to find out what they are.
Not having alcohol in the house and keep turning to write music to pour all my emotions into is a good start. At least I am still smoke free.
