It turns out I have feelings for two different people. while I am trying to let go of my feelings for the guy who works at the store there is another guy I have feelings for who seems to feel the same way and he is the musician I did the collab with!
I love how we seem to be on the same page. He too has a great sense of humor. I think we have great musical chemistry. The only downsides is that he has BPD and lives about 2 hours away from me and with this pandemic it's hard for me to drive down and see him. I hope I can meet him one day!
As for the guy who works at the store. I have chosen not to go there when he is there. I have taken Youngatheart's advice by telling my heart to stop and I have been writing song lyrics to deal with all the emotion involved.I am probably gonna immerse myself in songwriting for the next couple of weeks and maybe avoid talking to this guy for a while.
Here is what I wrote today. I guess this sums up how I have been feeling in general also:
It's Another day
When I wish I was numb
Trying to make sense of it all
When I am in too deep
I tell my heart to stop
Just so I can breathe
and respect those all around me
There's so much there
that I wanna shut down
I wish I didn't feel this way
Emotions are a dangerous thing
You can either feel too much
or not at all
I try to push it all down
But they all seem to surface
All seem to re-surface
Every-time again.
I can't go above it
I can't go below it
I cannot walk to the left of it
I cannot walk to the right of it
The only way is through
Until I find the end
