Have you ever been in love with someone who isn't interested in you?
I think for me it's the first in this situation. I recently confessed my love to someone. I said to him "You are going to hate me and I know I am not your type but I ******* Love you <3 " He ended up asking to come over.
But those Plans fell through because he was traveling to another town and left late and got home late. It was to be expected. But at least he kept me posted and didn't leave me hanging.
I have been wanting to hang out with this person for a long time and get to know him. I only know him when he's at work and on Facebook.
We all love within reason. My reason for loving this guy is that he is kind, we have common interests and connect through music and he's got a quirky sense of humor. Seems like every-time I walk out of the store where he works and he's on shift my heart literally beats out of my chest. I feel alive when I am around him.
Love is a cruel thing. It can be unrequited. My brain knows that this person isn't interested and wants to stay realistic that nothing will happen and we won't ever be together. But my heart won't let it go right now. I want to respect his wishes at the same time and I have been trying to.
My problem with emotion in general is that I feel very deeply. I am a sensual person also. My emotions just drag me in without mercy and sometimes I wish I could just turn them off for a while so I can breathe. I wish I didn't love this man. I wish I could move on. But my heart won't listen to the reality that it won't happen and I can't stop thinking about him.
The worst part about this is that there is nothing I can do except be a good friend to him.
I am sure you can relate to what love feels like. For me it's a buzzing feeling that runs from my chest to my stomach and just swirls around like a never ending whirlpool. Then it spreads out into the ocean of anxiety and just sits there. It repeats like a broken record every-time I think of someone I really like. I can't control it. It doesn't just go away.
So now I am asking myself this: How do I get over all this emotion I am feeling? How can I get past it? Will I ever find the answer? I want to scream. I want to hide. I'll do anything to stop feeling like this.
But I won't smoke.