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CrazyQuitter Blog

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I finally blocked my Ex boyfriend last Friday. He hasn't really changed at all. The same story where the relationship ends. But I end up getting blamed for his mistakes. He also told me commitment wasn't my strong suit. But that makes me feel put down and insulted because when we were together the first time I gave up my whole life to be with him. Yet he won't try and at least visit me for 2 weeks. He would not have done it even if the boarders are open. When I poured my heart out to him on messages on skype all he could say was that he was writing a track. He couldn't give two ***** about me.

Anyways for me it's just wise to block him everywhere online and block his number on my cell phone. I got my own issues to worry about.

 

Speaking of issues I drank heavily over the weekend and last night I had another breakdown. I know I need all the help I can get. Back in 2014 I took a full year abstinent from alcohol and it worked wonders for me. I quit  smoking 7 and a half years ago and it worked wonders for me. I am seriously thinking of at least going 2 years without alcohol. I don't know  when it will start. But I am seriously thinking about it. I have an appointment with my Doctor this week and I am hoping I can get referred to a pretty good psychologist. I think that after being in a controlling relationship back in my early 20s started a small chain of events. I had 2-3 more relationships that had failed along with the death of my beloved Grandmother back in 2016. Plus with COVID I just feel emotionally stuck, depressed, isolated and just wanting to shut myself off from the world. I can't just travel to the beach or anything like  that and I live on my own.  I hope to see my friends again. But it's hard because my shift-work at work is all over the place because half the time I don't know when I'll be working. My job is known to mess up my routines. AT the same time I am thankful I got one. There are so many people in my town who do not have a job or can't work due to a physical and or mental illness. The only thing that seems to keep me together is the music. My collaboration with an artist is nearly finished. That is my only good news. 

When it comes to my drinking I do have some healthy habits. If I have alcohol left over and don't plan to drink again for a while I tip out all of my leftover alcohol to get some kind of control going. I gain so much by doing this. I also put away all my wine glasses in the shed to discourage myself from falling off the wagon. I have had to be cold about it. There is no way I am drinking tonight.

 

I have a question for all of you. Aside from the naked mind website do you all know of any resources that might help me out with the drinking problem? I find the naked mind community hard to deal with and I feel I am not getting the help I need just by corresponding with my alcohol Councillor. I got a negative feeling about the people who are on that site. I am open to any recommendations where here are sites with much more supportive people on it. 

The things I can look forward to!

 

Warm Weather, getting some vitamin D.

More music collaborations. Anything to do with music.

Revamping some furniture.

Catch ups with friends when I can

Getting fit, which is going to happen as soon as possible. I want my bikini body back!

A clean house

Days off from work

Random day adventures and a holiday when possible

Coffee with mum

Good food and wine

Items I have purchased online

 

What do YOU Look forward to?

I spent my first Friday and Saturday without Alcohol this week, which is the first time in 2 years. After this weekend It'll be my first full weekend Without alcohol this week. After Tuesday it will be my first whole week in 2 years without a drink. I do not feel excited about it or happy about it though. There are massive side effect when taking the Naltrexone according to Google there are:

 

  • sleep problems.
  • tiredness.
  • anxiety.
  • headache.
  • joint and muscle pains.
  • abdominal pain and cramps.
  • nausea.
  • vomiting.

 

My main symptoms listed here are Sleep problems where I have a broken sleep, I get the cramps really bad and sometimes I get a mild headache sitting in the background. They say these go away within a few days. But it's doing it job keeping most of my drinking cravings away while my body is changing with the higher dose of mood stabilizers. Like I said staying sober for now is only temporary for now. All I know is that I am on a mission to get better. My Mother reckons I might be slowly coming back.

 

I have good news and somewhat bad news. The bad news is that I broke up with my Boyfriend. Mainly it was because of an uncertain future. He won't move interstate to be with me and I have already tried moving interstate to be with him in the past. He doesn't want kids after marriage. But I am open to it. I don't think he will ever be moving out of home to be emotionally independent away from his dad. He's been stuck in the same spot all his life because of his issues with changes, a mental illness, etc. Another reason is that I realized that at this stage I am too emotionally and mentally unstable to maintain a relationship in my life. I just can't do it. But with My Ex Boyfriend we are on good terms and just platonic friends. I think do better being single.

The good news is that I managed to get on with the music by recording vocals for two different artists and I am glad I accomplished it. I had some amazing Feedback from one of the artists came back saying that it was absolutely ****ing amazing! I was so chuffed and happy to hear this while I was at work during messages. I hope to collaborate with more artists in the future. I have so much unfinished business.

 

Steady as she goes.

This is going to be a short episode.

Today I am feeling numb with the slightest feeling that this week is going to be a tiny bit better.

 

I have come up with a moral plan to take good care of my mood. this might help you all also during your quits. Hell it could help anybody:

 

Each day I am going to do this in my free time:

DO 1 thing active - whether it's walking or going back to the home gym. Maybe even go for a drive and visit mum.

DO 1 thing relaxing - 10 mins relaxation, watch some you-tube and Netflix. Maybe do some blogging.

DO 1 thing creative - Write music, Sing, color in.

Repeat by doing a different task each time in the same day if need be.

 

I am pretty sure this is going to help me get out of this rough patch. I am still smoke free.

Tonight I start my 60MG of anti depressants and my first course of Naltrexone. Right now I am still feeling pretty depressed and feeling a bit fearful about not drinking while I am transitioning into my upped anti depressant dosage.

I am an emotional roller coaster still and they are still working on getting me a psychologist. I have these terrifying violent thoughts in my head, which I refused to act on. I have too much unfinished business. I wish I never had to go through any of this.

I hope I start feeling better tomorrow. But with anti-depressants they just take MONTHS to take effect. This dosage could take Months. But when I feel better I hope my alcohol consumption will be easier to deal with. I am under the depressive radar with many people.

 

An ex friend got back in touch with me today. I couldn't remember why we had fallen out. But I am glad we are talking again. I really need my friends right now. AND I need all of you.

I wish this lockdown and covid will simply (and I excuse my french) F OFF! my routine is all over the place with doing 3 scattered night shifts a week and some of my past coming back to haunt me from when I was in an abusive relationship years ago. Living and spending time alone is even more isolating.

 

I wasn't going to get out of bed today. But I forced myself to so I could spend the morning with my mum. I'd feel worse if I didn't try to sieze the day. Well tomorrow is another one.

This morning I spoke to my doctor. I have had my anti depressants upped to 60 mgs instead of 45mg. Alongside this I am going on a drug called Natraxone (however you spell it) , which is said to help with the psychotic episodes when I do drink.

To be clear I only have these episode when I drink occasionally. Everyone is telling me that drinking is poison, moderation doesn't work, drinking is not a good idea, don't drink, etc. These words do not make me want to stop drinking.

I refuse to go to AA because I am not ready to fully quit alcohol. But I am getting help for all of my underlying other mental and physical heal issues.

There will be arrangements for me to see a shrink. So I am not sure when I'll be back.

 

The weather here had been so windy and still cold despite it being spring I haven't even been able to make a start on my home projects.

Because of my current mental state I haven't had much motivation to do much indoors.

 

Last night I had a dream about smoking. It disgusted me! I dreamed that someone rolled me a cigarette and it was the last thing I remembered. I don't know why I dreamed this or what it means.

My mental health has taken a turn. Last night I drank way too much wine and had a mild psychotic episode. I was in hospital for hours. I had to be assessed Because I was suicidal, which is very sad indeed.

I am known to have these quite often and it usually happens when I drink. But on the positive side I am going to get some help with a plan. I heard that you can take a pill for when you drink to prevent psychotic breakdowns. But I am worried I wont feel typsy on it. I sound like a complete alcoholic. I feel like I am not good enough because I drink. Right now I am feeling completely cut off from the world, which is how I feel after an episode. I do have my good days with this.

 

On a brighter note. Another artist as asked me to collaborate on another one of his tracks. He is asking for breathy vocals, which is pretty cool. Another positive is that I am also planning to spray paint a mirror.

I am hoping to get started on all my projects this week.

 

I am questioning my relationship with my Boyfriend. He is 38 years old and still hasn't left the nest. He has made it harder on himself to move out, relying on government housing to get in  touch with him regarding a place to rent at a cheaper rate. Even in a small town the rent pricing has gone up so it's even harder for me to relocate.

I am questioning my future with my boyfriend. We have had the talk and he has said that there is no way he is moving to my town because of his dad. I have refused to go back up to where he is to live because I have already tried that before and I need to be close to my mum and stepdad. I would like to eventually get married and have children. But my boyfriend doesn't seem too keen on having a child. SO yeah everything is all up in the air, complicated and we're in a long distance relationship.

 

I have a history of depression and anxiety, which got worse after an emotionally abusive relationship I had between 2006 and 2008. I feel like this hasn't left me. But I do have my good days and bad days. I am in my mid 30s and I am already undergoing physical and mental health issues.

 

Anyway, this week I am planning to try and be as productive as I can to be happier and try to enjoy my life.

Today I haven't got enough for my next episode. This comes later, when I actually have more to say.

 

 

But I have been thinking "Does the quit journey ever end?"

I am not entirely Sure!

 

Once you've decided to stay quit and have stuck to it and when you no longer have cravings to smoke, relapse and don't think about it anymore, by being stubborn and saying NOPE.  There for this part answers YES

 

But sticking to your quit afterwards is the part of me that thinks NO

 

Every aftermath of quitting smoking is different. For me my quit journey has ended because I have fully quit and stuck to it for so long. I have no intention to relapse nor have cravings anymore. But I am here to help others.

 

So what do you all think, long term quitters? Does the quit journey end or is it an ongoing thing for you?

I have decided to post general updates about myself on this site and share my thoughts. I hope that the Becomeanex mods are ok with it!

Of course this won't be the only episode!

 

Spring is almost here! I have a few projects that I am looking forward to doing. I will be spray painting some outdoor furniture,  giving my front porch a welcoming and much needed revamp when it warms up. I will be sure to send some before and after pics in one of my next blog posts!

My music is going ok. But I have been undergoing the worst writers block! I haven't written or released anything new since February. But I have been asked to collaborate with my vocals by 3 other musicians. My boyfriend has been writing electronic music for over 20 years and wants my voice on so many of his  tracks. I have started having a go at recording my voice professionally on one them. 

Another project I am looking forward to is revamping the old Guinea Pig grave By planting orange and yellow flowers around their rock. My two girls had passed away 2 years ago. But I know they are in a better place!

 

I did a lot of self rewarding lately for cutting down on alcohol. I bought myself a table for out the front porch, a brand new ipod 7th Gen and an electric lighter. I know the electric lighter sounds sus. But its mainly for when I light my gas stove and light candles on the weekend. It's probably going to be the last spending splurge for a long time. I can easily save my money back. I am looking forward to receiving all my latest purchases in the mail.

 

I have been pretty productive lately. Last Thursday my mother came around to help organize my kitchen again. On top of that I had a handy man fix a clothes-line and a doorknob (my house is very old and practically falling down). Later on I finally had a plumber come round to fix the leak in the kitchen tap and under the kitchen sink that was causing massive water damage. I also did my usual house-work and barely stopped til much later in the day. 

 

I look at my life and realize that despite whats going on in the world my life is pretty good. I am still going to work and I am still really independent. My goal in life was to keep doing music while I have a job to support it and I have made that all happen. But I hope to one day own my own home and buy a new computer.

CrazyQuitter

Message to our Newbies!

Posted by CrazyQuitter Aug 25, 2020

Hi Newbies! Please Feel free to add long-terms quitters like me and other quitters on this site! 

We are all so very helpful without judgement and a lot of us like myself are really happy to! Maybe we can help take your mind off your cravings for a while! Either way We got your back!

 

On this website we all know what you are going through and posting blogs on this site is a really great  way to replace those cravings. It also helps you learn how to cope in other ways.

 

Keep in mind that

Addiction can come in many formats, whether you are you're a heavy smoker, drinking alcohol heavily, etc. But when it comes to quitting or cutting down the coping mechanisms are almost the same. The only difference is the mindset for each individual.

 

Now to take your mind off of it a tiny bit. Here is a bit about me!

My friends in the real world call me JuZ. I currently work in a small town in Western district Victoria/Australia.

I currently work as a kitfchenhand for a local restaurant that pay tribute to soldiers who fought in world war 1 and 2. Lest we forget.

I enjoy writing music, watching Netflix, a clean house, good food and wine! 

I am very independant. My friends reckon I am wise, funny and just an all round fun person to hang out with. But it depends who I am with!

I suffer from anxiety and depression. But I am managing it. 

 

'and of course I used to be a smoker like you guys!

Before they jacked up the prices down here I ended up smoking up to...a carton of cigarettes a fortnight. The reason why I started was I think it was because I was getting out of a controlling relationship and undergoing changes, which made me decide in the first place.

But 2 years on I HATED IT. and when I tried to quit it was torture. The first days and weeks and months are the very hardest and I reckon you can all relate to it. After about 4 times trying to quit with sort term intivals I managed to finally kick it. I have regretted it ever since and now I am fully smoke free 7 years and 6 months. I am free, I no longer crave and I can breathe, smell better and be much happier.

I quit in my early to mid 20s. I am now 35 going on 36 this year. YES I am still here now helping all you loverly movers and shakers!

 

.Whether you have been smoking for 2 years or 30 years everyone has the full potential to quit. You just gotta get those coping skills and strategies in place and with lots of practice just like everything else you gotta deal with in life!

CrazyQuitter

Pandemic Talk

Posted by CrazyQuitter Aug 22, 2020

Down here in my State of Victoria/Australia we are back on lock down. We have the highest number of cases than the rest of Australia. We have to wear face-masks when we go out and if we don't it's a $200AUD fine!

But what seems to make it hard for the virus to slow down is the amount of littering and no proper disposal of throw away masks. I think this is apart of why we had over 723 new cases in one day several weeks ago.

We too are also trying to find a vaccine for this.

 

So how am I coping with it?

Well I'm not smoking still, so that's good. One less thing to worry about.

 Down here they brought out the Jobkeeper scheme to help us out during this crazy crisis and to help some of us still stay at work, do our jobs and most importantly get by financially. I am on this benefit right now.

 

My life hasn't really changed all that much this year. The only problem I seem to have is getting my alcohol under control and I am also getting help for that on This Naked Mind Community. I have come a long way in the past 3 months there. I was drinking almost everyday and have now even cut down to twice a week on average. 

 

I am coping. But I reckon I could cope even better. I miss hanging out with friends at the bar and having people over to my house for a catch up. I also miss short and long road trips. At least I can still check on my Mother and my step father every so now and then, Write music, watch Netflix and occasionally go for a walk under these restrictions, also come on this website to help others. The only other thing is that My boyfriend lives interstate and the boarders are closed so we can't physically see each other anytime soon. I have to be OK with it because it's not within my control. 

 

It is what it is!

But whatever you do don't allow the pandemic trigger you to smoke. It doesn't make any situation any better. Live that smoke free life no matter what!

A little help for those who have or are thinking of relapsing!

 

1. Think of how it'll affect you' re health. That is a no brainier!

2. Think of how it'll affect you emotionally IE The guilt, the regret!

3. What are you going to do if this does happen or has happen?

 

When it all comes to these things and other things in life we all need strategies in place to learn how to cope and let those negative feelings pass! Everyone copes with their own quit differently just like how we cope with difficult situations.

 

Everyone who knows me well on here knows that I have had a history of relapsing and when I did I hit it pretty hard. Why did I do it? I can't remember. It was so long ago. But WOW I felt the guilt! But the very last time I relapsed, which was about 7 odd years ago I I kept going back on the horse as soon as possible and I never turned to cigarettes again!

 

If you ever do relapse every-time you try it does get easier. We once had an ad campaign here in Australia where we had ads that said "Never give up giving up", which rings true . After you have relapsed get back into your quit straight away and really want to be smoke free forever. Be like the long term quitter, Don't let your negative feelings affect your quit!

 

Lots of love to you all!

XO

Heeey! OMG it has been a LONG time!

How are we all?

 

I am proud to say that I haven't taken up cigarettes in 8 whole years (Maybe longer. I lost count lol). I can't remember my last cigarette and I have NO CRAVINGS!

I live in an area now where there are a fair few smokers. I walk past and I get the second hand choke! I don't miss it.

My boyfriend is a very heavy smoker. But it doesn't dig up any cravings. These days it is socially frowned upon. It feels so good to live smoke free. I really am a crazy quitter!

 

Life has been really good for me. I have been working the same Kitchenhand job for 6 years, which is my longest running job and I am finding it relatively OK. I finally got my drivers licence and proper transport after putting it off for years, I am writing electronic music now and have released 3 EPs under my alias TheJuZShoW and release one track under my second  alias Neontronix. My mother is also moving into town, which is handy. My only problem in life is alcohol and I am getting lots of help on This Naked Mind, my 2 councilors and of course the support of my family and friends. I went from drinking 6-7 nights a week for almost 2 years to staying sober for 6 whole days a week, which is a massive turn around. My mood is only bad when I am drunk and have an anxiety attack. But outside of it my mood is generally ALOT better!

 

I hope you are all doing great and that your smoke free lives are taking place well. Believe me, it does get A LOT easier the longer you are off the cigarettes. It gets to a point where you don't even think about it anymore and move on!

I miss coming in here and I hope I can continue to help others during their journeys!

 

Much love

C.Q 

Description

 

I currently live in a small town of 12,500 people. Some would consider it quite big depending of how they look at it and different life experience and that's ok!

I am a musician who writes songs and enjoys the company of my friends. I am currently working as a kitchen assistant.

I live on my own and I kinda like it that way!

I run an online radio station called JUZZ Radio ---> http://juzzradio.com.au or http://antiperfect.wix.com/juzradio

If you have the time please read all my blog posts from the begining, where I joined Become a Ex for the first time so you can see how I tried to quit. I am aware that quitting takes practice, dedication and having the right frame of mind! I have been quit since Jan 1st 2013

 


Brief Description

No brief description in profile.


Website

No website in profile.


Location

ararat/western victoria/australia


Interests

some areas of it, movies, music


Skills

i am no councillor but i'll help anyway i can with appropriate advice and my own knowledge.


I can't believe it's been 2 years! These days I don't get any cravings.

A lot has happen last year. I got my car, my drivers licence an a job along with many goals I achieved. I even successfully stopped drinking alcohol for a whole year and now I have cut my drinking habbits by half! But last month I had a car accident, which really put a damper on my year. I was approaching an intersection and a Nissan Navara totaled  the front of my car. despite the costs of everything including the damage to my car I was very lucky and only left with a bruise on my knee and only a tiny bit of whiplash in my neck. But I  was resilient and I decided to go to work anyway. I also turned the big 30 days later and after all that I felt different. Like a different person. Now I  got more goals to achive like  get a car, be a safer driver, keep my job, keep my drinking under control, take care of my friends and family and my music. Mentally I am on the road to recovery. This time I got a better understanding of what happens in a car accident because now I have been there!

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