Ever wake up in the morning and think, “What the hell did I just choose to do?” That was my first thought on day one of my quit. When I went to bed the night before I was actually excited about the fact that after all of my preparations, I was ready!
But I have to admit, “What the hell did you just choose to do” was my first thought. The thing is, I don’t really work that way. You see, I’ve always believed that our thinking doesn’t have to be static and that the first thought of the day doesn’t have to determine the nature of the entire day.
So I got up, slapped on the old nicotine patch of courage and told myself that today was the first day of an incredible journey! Or so I hoped. I knew the reality of it all told me that this was the first day of training for my new life. Something important. Something that might transform my future! So yeah. There was fear and excitement at the same time.
I drank my coffee, wondering the entire time if this was a trigger that I had missed. I wandered outside, where I’d always have my morning cigarette. I looked around and realized that the world hadn’t really changed.
At that moment I understood that what had really changed was me. I no longer smoked! Hey now, wait a minute. This isn’t me. And yet it was. And so the internal argument began. How do we cope without the cigarette? How can we possibly live the day? So much confusion on that first day but also the glimmer of hope.
A glimmer of a future of life. A glimmer of what the world can be like if we can just get past this first day because if we can do that, we can start counting. We can start believing that maybe we can do this. That we really can quit!
But that’s just the first day. There’s always a lot of doubt within us on that first day but you know what? The next day gives us something to build on. The next day makes us realize that sure, we’ve got a long ways to go but look at what we’d already done! We’ve lived a single day without a cigarette and from this day we can build a new world, so long as there’s no doubt in our belief that life is really wonderful! So long as we want to be free once and for all!
My second day was similar in that my first waking thoughts weren’t the best. I kind of dragged myself out of bed and got my coffee, and then headed to the computer. During the time that I went through that first urge, I began telling myself that I was already well on my way and that a new beginning has to start somewhere, so how about another smoke free day?
I began to understand that my mind was divided. That there was this endless argument going on inside just under the surface. I knew that if anything could derail my quit, it would be this voice. So I listened, and none of it made any sense. It was like a continuous urge even though I knew better.
I realized that I was giving my addiction strength by thinking to much about the urges. This was making the individual urges seem like one long, constant urge. This was when I first conceived of the addict within. I put a face to the endless argument so that I could try to control it and for me, seeing my addiction as a screaming child throwing a temper tantrum seemed to help because after all, what do we do with a screaming child? We first try to rationalize but in the end we sometimes have to ignore them until they calm themselves down.
To make a long story short, after that day I talked a lot to the addict within. I treated it all with the patience of an adult training a child and before long that child grew up and I found the peace that I was looking for. I found a freedom that was incredible!
It’s all waiting there for you. All you have to do is get through those first hard days because then it’s a matter of getting through the first month and year. And each day that we train our screaming child is a day of achievement. And each day of achievement soon becomes a lifetime of achievement. Hang in there my friends! There;s so much waiting for you on the other side of this little rough patch , , , ,
ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!