Good morning EXer’s,
Reaching my three year mark smoke free got me thinking about those first days of a quit. You know, the ones that matter because we all have to struggle so hard at first. And thinking back, I wondered what it was that made it so hard at first.
Learning is a process that takes a bit of time. Just as we learned to smoke, we must now learn how to not smoke. And most of us spent a long time learning to smoke. For most, so long in fact that we can hardly remember a life without cigarettes when we first quit. Personally, I like to call this the shroud of addiction. A way that our own minds try to deceive us.
I think that over time, we build our own roadblocks as a means to justify doing something that we know can do us no good. When I think back to those days when I was comtemplating a quit, those roadblocks were quite evident. There was no way that my mind was going to let me quit just because I wanted to.
I think for many of us, this can cause a kind of confusion within us. The constant mental argument with ourselves. I think how hard a quit is has a lot to do with how we deal with this internal argument where one part of the mind is still living in the past while the other part is looking to the future. And since the future is unfamiliar, the mind does what it always does when faced with the unknown. It creates a kind of fear of it. A self preservation mechanism within us that would always rather take the easy or “normal” road. The one we’ve lived for many years as we continued to feed our addictions.
And yet by choosing to quit, we create a conflict within ourselves. To me, this conflict is the core element that can decide if a quit will be successful or not because we cannot reach for peace so long as the conflict remains in place. We can’t escape the cravings of our own minds so long as we listen to the craving. We can’t move on until we deal with the past or at least make peace with the fact that we don’t smoke anymore.
By quitting, we’re creating a new norm for ourselves and as those who already know me know, I used visualization as a tool to overcome my own roadblocks, first naming my conflict “the addict within” and then assigning a vision in my mind that would define the journey. For me, it was a mountain but the fact is that it could be anything you want it to be so long as it defines the journey.
This worked well for me on a couple of levels. The first being that by creating my vision, I occupied my mind with something that was related to smoking and yet was something different for me to think about. As I progressed on my journey, it became a shimmering symbol of both the hardships and achievements that we all find along the way. My vision went something like this.
When I first decided to quit, I stood at the base of Mt. Freedom looking up the long slopes to the tiny point at the top where the banner of freedom resides. The shimmering example for my mind to focus on as it learns my new reality. The slopes are steep and filled with dangers which in reality would be the weakness of my own mind in those moments when we find ourselves missing our past.
The day I quit, I visualized myself taking the first cautious step on a path that I knew could be dangerous but also filled with wonder, but a path I intended to walk because I wanted that banner of freedom very badly. Each day took me closer to the top of Mt. Freedom and soon I could clearly see the banner of freedom blowing in the wind on top of that summit.
And as I got closer I could see all those who had gone before me, cheering me on and at times even walking down the path to me every now and then to toss me a rope of experience so that I can understand the journey just a little better.
The top of the mountain also symbolized the culmination of the journey, reminding me that yes; there really is an end to the journey. There really is a peace that we find and it’s always right there waiting for us.
I kept the addict within close to me because I didn’t want him to try to create any mischief while I wasn’t looking.
For me, these visions helped. It gave me something wonderful to focus my mind on during those hard moments when the internal argument is strongest. It gave me a belief in myself because it helped me to understand that though it’s a journey, it’s one worth doing.
We all have to craft our own ways of quitting. This is because it’s such a personal journey. No amount of knowledge or advice can really prepare one for something they haven’t yet experienced. No one can quit for us. We have to do that ourselves. That’s why it’s such an achievement each time a person makes that wonderful decision to seek freedom over a slow lingering death.
But rest assured my friends that so long as we stick to the path of freedom. So long as we never let the addict within convince us that what we’re doing is wrong. So long as we trust in that part of ourselves that knows what’s right. Then eventually you like me will reach the end of that journey. You will be the one on top of Mt. Freedom waiving that banner proudly and yelling to all that will listen, “Look at what I’ve done! Look at me now! I’m so free! So at peace!”
Keep climbing. All of you. I can guarantee that you’ll love the view from the top. I can’t wait to see you there!
ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!
