Well, I have now stepped out of no man’s land and have started looking around at what exists on the other side. I have stood on the summit of Mt. Freedom and waved the banner of freedom as I always dreamed I would. I have fixed ropes for those who desire to follow me and I am living a dream that I’ve wanted to live for a long, long time. Now I just wonder why I waited so long to get there.
It started with a single thought and that thought turned into a reality and then that reality blossomed into freedom. I know it’s hard for some to ever believe that there is freedom from our addictions. The reality of it is that we are indeed free the moment we put out that last cigarette.
But remaining free takes a little work. Each day does get a little easier and yet it might not seem like it. To me it’s like seeing someone lose weight. If we see the person every day then we might not notice a difference. But someone who sees the same person a week later might notice a difference in them.
Quitting is much the same. Each day gets easier by degree. It may seem hard to notice because it’s not much different then the day before and yet over time, we slowly come to the realization that yes, the journey has gotten easier. We have to dig into our past to see it but it’s there.
And now I’ve reached that stage where I only get an occasional urge and it passes so fast that I hardly knew it was there. It’s so easy to ignore now. And ignore them I do but still I understand that I must keep my commitment to myself lest I become complacent and forget that yes, I am an addict.
Losing an addiction is indeed a wonderful thing but at the same time it can open the door for problems if we’re not careful. And so I work on my commitment every day. I keep that commitment close to me and realize that the addict within is not gone. He’s simply sleeping because he’s at last grown tired of trying to change me into what I once was.
So all I can say is no matter where you are in your quit, never forget what it took to get there. Never forget that our internal addict could wake up at any given moment and try to tell us it’s sweet lies. Never forget that though the turmoil is over, the addict will always look for weakness. The internal addict will always seek an avenue to express itself by refueling the addiction.
The important thing for me now is to always remember that though I feel free. Though I have reached the world that I’ve always wanted for myself, there is still danger ahead if I allow that danger into my world. There is always those little moments when the memories of smoking will appear out of nowhere.
And so I live my life confident in my ability to hold my addict at bay. I live my life believing that yes, I am a nonsmoker. I am free. But always in the back of my mind is where I will keep my commitment. Always deep within my soul will live the fire of my freedom. And always deep in my heart will be the answer to the addict within every time he tries to derail my freedom.
And the answer is so simple it’s almost laughable.
The answer for me is simply, "I’m free!!!"
