Day 65 - Irrational urges

Blog Post created by Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 on Apr 27, 2011

Still finding success on the path to freedom. Had to come here and see how many days it’s been since I started my journey. I was more curious then anything. The last few days my internal addict and I have been having a bit of a conversation. The addict tries to tell me that it’s O.K. to smoke. That it’s O.K. to live the life we once lived together. And my addict has indeed tried to get very loud!


But once again I realize that the voice of the addiction can only get as loud as we let it. It can only scream so long as we listen, for if the screaming of the addiction falls on deaf ears then eventually the screaming stops. The good news is that thanks to those who have walked this path before me, I was quite aware that this would eventually happen to me. Because of the knowledge of those before me I was ready for this latest attack form my inner addict.


The objective for me is not to try to run from it but rather face it head on! See it for the irrational thing that it really is and in this way expose the addict for what it really is. An irrational part of my brain that continues to try to get me to live a life I no longer wish to live. An irrational piece of the puzzle that in itself shows me the rest of the puzzle simply by it’s very behavior.


It is nothing to fear. No, instead it’s something that I think we all have to live before we reach that mountaintop. It’s just a part of the process of putting the addict to bed once and for all and until we live this part of the process successfully, then the addict will continue to sing it’s irrational song to us. It will continue to try to change our focus. It will continue to try to convince us that we’re not happy with our choice even though we know in reality that we really are happy with it.


The addict is only dangerous if we let that part of us change the ultimate goal that we seek. The addict can only harm us if we let it. It simply has no power of it’s own over us unless we decide to give in.


And so I climb on realizing that the summit I saw ahead was the first of many false peaks on my climb. But will I turn around? Of course not! I will reach that first summit and look for the next as the climb continues. I will shed myself of my own addiction as I climb on only looking back in order to learn from what I’ve already achieved. Never doubting that my next step will be a good one. Always looking ahead for the true summit of Mt. Freedom!


This is my quest and no addiction is ever going to keep me from winning that goal. No addiction is going to convince me that the goal of life is not achievable. No addiction is going to take away what I know in my heart is the right thing to do!


And so I move on, happy that I stopped and took a little breather in order to write this blog. Happy that I took a moment to look around at the beauty of the climb. Content in the fact that though I’ve reached the first of what may be many false summits, I’m still climbing. I still have not slipped from the path. I’m still one day going to reach that final summit and plant my own banner of freedom for the next that may be following on the path.


And I’ll leave maps just as so many have done before me for the journey doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be scary. We just have to look to the trailblazers who have come before us and think just a little about how we too can one day send the light of freedom in the direction of all who need it. How we can show others our own map that we wrote as we climbed onward so that no one is ever blindsided by the addict within. So that all we encounter along the trail have the same chance that we did. The chance to understand that freedom never comes easy but in the end, everything we do to achieve that freedom is worth it!


Onward up the mountain!