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Share your quitting journey

Day 50!!

Chuck-2-20-2011
0 11 3

Half way to the century mark today. It’s amazing to think that just a short time ago I began the journey for freedom. It’s been an interesting journey so far to say the least. Learning myself and the parts of myself that live inside. The brain divided. This is indeed the life of an addict. It goes beyond just proving to oneself that we can indeed beat our own addiction. It becomes a hard fought journey at times.

But we do it anyway simply because we believe in ourselves and our futures. In reality we become free the moment that we put that last cigarette out. This is the moment that the enslavement of the past becomes a reality of the future. This is the moment that while free, we embark on a journey to remain free of the shackles of addiction. We know as those first hard hours pass that our freedom does indeed come with a price.

We feel the misery as our inner selves learn to cope with the physical aspects of withdrawal. Once that is achieved then we begin to learn how to silence that addict within or at the very least take away the power that he has over us. We learn to ignore the pangs that are sent through our bodies.

Many times we fear the future and question our resolve as we struggle onward. This is when we realize that we are free and yet we aren’t. We still must struggle with ourselves to change something that is deeply ingrained within us.

But take heart for over time it does become a journey of life. It becomes a journey that belongs only to us. It becomes a journey where we prove to ourselves just how badly we must be free. Completely free. And this is when the mind games with ourselves begin.

This is when we must take stock of what we’re fighting to achieve and use the knowledge of the past to propel on to the future of freedom. It can seem like a long walk at times, always looking over our shoulder to be sure that there are no surprises. Always walking carefully to ensure that the work we’ve already put into our futures does not become wasted.

For we are recovered addicts in actuality. We are addicts that are free of the substance of the addiction yet not quite free of the mental part of it. Not quite free of the life we used to live. For first we must live those memories as happened to me just the other day when barbecuing. AS I threw on the burgers, there it was! The memory of how I used to smoke when I cooked. How I actually used the cigarette as the timer for my cooking.

And as expected, this memory became a craving. Thing is, when this happens I know that I’ve already been through this. I know what to do to protect my quit and I know that each time I relive one of those memories, I am one memory closer to the end of my mental addiction. I know that with each urge that I overcome in order to remain free that I am indeed where I want to be. A reformed addict who is simply living out the mental part of the addiction.

This isn’t such a bad thing and certainly isn’t something to dwell on. After all, by reaching the point of fighting the mental part of the quit, it proves that progress is being made.

And so I walk into the future aware that in four days I will put on my last patch. Five days from now I will be free of the nicotine as well as the cigarettes. Do I fear this day? Not in the least because I believe I am ready. I believe that when I celebrate my 60th day that I will have no nicotine in my body. I truly look forward to this day. I truly look forward to fifty days from now when I can again recount more of my journey!

Onward to freedom!!!

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