Day 47! Wow! It’s been a few days since I looked at my page and was once again surprised. I thought it was maybe day 44 or something like that! Been really busy with work. This can be a blessing and a curse. You see, most of the triggers that I had when I quit were related to work. A smoke when we need to regroup, a smoke when we ran into a snag, a smoke when we wait for drywall mud to dry and a smoke just because we want one!
I must admit I’ve had quite a few urges this week. But really they’re just those same old annoying things that we always get. There’s no reason to think that these urges are worse then they were before. In fact, it’s quite the opposite simply because I understand and have learned to cope with urges. They’re simply a chemical reaction of the brain that sends a signal to the body to smoke. They’re nothing more then that.
And so I continue upward to the summit of Mt. Freedom, knowing that my inner addict is right beside me. He so much likes to remind me that he’s still there always whispering his evil song to me. Always trying to make me slip down the path that I have so carefully trodden. Trying to take away the momentum that I have gained with every step I take upward.
The key word here is trying. Not succeeding. This is the beauty of the quit. I have been learning my addict and know him pretty well. I know the tricks he plays and the methods he uses to try to turn something positive into that which is negative.
But it won’t work for you see, I keep my eyes firmly planted on the summit of the mountain with the freedom banner waving on top. I choose to march forward, keeping my addict in tow because if I do that then I always know what he’s up to. I always know that he’s still with me and this keeps me from straying from the path because he can’t surprise me. He can’t play his ridiculous tricks on me because I’m aware that he’s there. I know what he’s trying to do and I also know that it won’t work!
I’ve chosen life over a death that I myself would perpetrate if I halted or turned back on the long climb to freedom. And so I go on, one foot in front of the other never forgetting for even a moment the wonder of what I am now achieving. The beauty of life that I am proving every day to myself is so important. The learning of my inner self in ways that could never be achieved without an experience like this.
I guess all I can say is that when it comes to quitting, we control our own destiny. We are the masters of our future. We are indeed taking charge of ourselves and freeing ourselves from the very clutches of the addict. Though this may seem hard at times there must never be a belief that we cannot win. There can never be a feeling that we are unhappy with our decision.
This would be new ammunition for our internal addicts. A new foundation for him to spring forth from and try to turn our lives into a kind of hell if we let it be. So I put him in the background and move onward, always seeking freedom over enslavement. Always believing that in the end it’s my mind that will win this war. Always aware that the only one that can take this victory away from me is myself!
I think that over time my addict will give up. After all, as long as I give him no ammunition to work with then what can he really do?
So as I get ever closer to the summit of mount freedom, I will always look down the path just in case there’s someone there who might need me. I’ll always look to lend a hand should that hand be needed for I know that this is a battle that is better fought with others rather then alone. This is a battle where freedom is the prize for all who desire it. And so when I need to, I reach out. When I need a hand to pull me up through a rough part of the path, I find it because I intend to win this battle.
And I gotta tell ya, this is a battle that I WILL win!
Now onward with the climb . . .
