Wow! The days just keep flying by as far as my quit goes. It really is wonderful as you get more days under your belt and start living life while continuing onward to freedom. I think that over time there’s a kind of acceptance to the new way of life. First we have to beat all those urges and triggers and then once we understand that part of our quit, we can start to focus more on life itself.
I do however realize that right now I’m walking a slippery slope as I continue my climb to freedom. Still, I can see the banner of freedom up there but I can’t look to long for you see, I must pay attention to the slope I’m on right now. You know, the one where I could fall or slide backwards simply by getting to comfortable with my quit to fast.
This is another part of the quit I think. Something else that must be learned and I have to tell you, this is the phase where the advice of all those who have been there becomes very important for you see, though I can see the entire mountain I cannot see what’s over the next ridge and it’s always good to have a map to consult at times like this.
But because I have consulted the map, I am aware of just how slippery this slope I’m standing on can be. So I move on warily and yet with more confidence, keeping my eyes roving the vast white landscape above me. Looking for the way through the ice without faltering.
I know my addict is still with me. In fact, we’ve become climbing buddies though we’ve only really known each other for a month or so. Still, it’s always good to point out that banner of freedom to my addict because with enough patience and acceptance, we will eventually be climbing together instead of me towing him up for with time even my addict will understand that freedom is what we want.
I find this journey to be more and more like a discovery of myself and the addict that lives with me. Though our methods of conversation aren’t always pleasant because of the way the addict communicates to us, we still must speak to him for he must be tamed in order to win the mountaintop.
And so rather then shun him I walk with him. Aware that he’s there and what his intentions are but also aware that we are one and the same in body. I chose to teach my addict that I will be controlling my body now, rather then letting him do it. My reasons are simple. He had his chance and chose to build an addiction using a substance that is poison to us both.
Perhaps my addict was confused but if that’s the case then I still cannot trust him. And so I continue on, living with him until we are of the same mind. Keeping him close so he cannot deceive me and keeping a wary watch on him because though I’m the one that has chosen to climb this mountain I realize that I must take him with me for we will never reach that summit until we are of the same mind. We will never reach that summit until we believe in ourselves as a whole unit and not the addict and me.
And so I continue on, never looking back but watching the addict that is travelling with me.
Now, onward to the summit!!