Still continuing forward on the quest for freedom. I stepped down from the 14MG patches to the 7MG yesterday. Felt a few slight cravings as expected but all in all, feeling pretty good! It’s because I’ve learned to cope with those things that make quitting seem so uncomfortable I think. I now see the urges as a physical manifestation of my addiction.
And since the physical part only lasts a few minutes at most, I simply tell myself when I feel those urges that in a few moments it will pass. And of course it always does. I can actually feel the urge just fade away just as I felt it come on. By studying my addiction, I’ve learned my enemy quite well.
Our inner addict really isn’t all that complicated if you really think about it. It has one goal in mind and that is to either make us smoke or make our lives a miserable as possible. But this is where we gain a bit more control over our situation. You see, once you know your enemy, you can create defenses against that enemy.
I started my battle by learning to disassociate my triggers from my urges. I did this by using straws! Every time I got an urge due to a trigger, I’d reach for a straw. I don’t really pretend to smoke it as in I don’t hold it in my hand like a cigarette nor do I smoke air through it. I simply reach for it and swirl it around in my mouth for a bit. But the point is that over time, my inner addict accepted that when I had these urges, I reach for a straw thus taking away the power of a cigarette.
And so I no longer get urges that are directly associated to my triggers. Now when I get an urge, it’s more of a random thing. It just pops up out of nowhere. But still, I get a brief warning like a flash through the brain before the urge ever starts. When I feel the flash I know that an urge is about to take place within me. This allows me a moment to prepare for it and because of this, it simply doesn’t have the power over me that it used to. I wait that couple of minutes and then dismiss it for what it is. A simple physical reaction caused by the brain. And then I move on, free of the urge rather then dwelling on it.
Today I do feel that my concentration is a little off as well. But that’s O.K. because I expected this. This is the same reaction I had to the last step down. This in turn tells me that in two weeks, I will again feel pretty much the same thing only this time it will be different. This time I’ll be stepping down to zero nicotine. Now that’s exciting!
The main thing is not to dwell on the quit any more then we have to. We have to know our enemy but at the same time we have to be able to dismiss it. By embracing the addict within we learn how to beat that addict.
And so I continue on, confident in the fact that my inner addict will never beat me. If it changes tactics then I’ll learn those new tactics and take away it’s power just as I’ve always done. Quitting is no picnic but once we get over the physical withdrawals then it becomes as easy or as hard as we make it. We cannot endlessly fight our inner addict but we can learn how to slam the door on him. We can learn how to take away his power and in the end we can walk hand in hand with that other part of our brain in freedom and perhaps even feel a little smile within ourselves.
It’s the smile of achievement. It’s the smile of freedom. It’s the smile that comes not from fighting but rather from understanding the addict within.
