I've read many blogs that mention the nicodemon and wondered about this. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a cry for help. It's just an observation within myself that I thought I'd share. I wondered where this nicodemon dwelled and if it was ready to creep up on me. I'm very good at controling or ignoring my urges to be sure but still, is this insidious little creature there?
I do a lot of self reflection all of the time and I stopped for a moment to reflect on how I'm doing today. And I think I found it. It's not a creature that lives in the forefront of thought. No, it lives in the background like a soft and subtle little voice waiting for a chance to move into the foreground if you let your guard down. If you open the gate that it needs. It's the part of addiction that is always there even years after we quit.
It's the one that get's some of us to slip. And yet it is a part of our own minds. The part that is created by a long addiction. It manifests itself as tension or a simple thought of the past. Of how it used to be. It's the part of us that makes us think that smoking was so wonderful. The part that says, "You know you can just have one."
The part that fights with NOPE and makes us think that we are able to "enjoy " just that one little puff. That it's perfectly harmless. I believe we all beat our little nicodemon over time and with practice but it's good to know that he's there, ready to become a giant creature instead of that small voice the moment we let him.
Or maybe this is just the ranting of a person on the second day of their quit. I really don't know but I do know that I'll be keeping him locked away for the rest of my life.