Yes me I am triggered today. I am pulling out all that I have learned. I even got to the point that I could hear myself today say I don’t give a crap anymore if I smoke my brains out and that is not like me at all. I am so freaking triggered and it won’t stop. Nothing I read or go back and read that I have said in the past seems to make a difference except it kept me busy and from going to the store to get some smokes. This feeling is like being in a deep hole and it feels like someone keeps pushing me deeper down in it. So much crap is happing to me and it is really overwhelming. Smoking won’t change anything I know this it will only make my life more hell but that part of me that is an addict is calling me Christine come back you know you don’t give a crap anymore and you know no one in your family is going to stop you. I told that Nico demon get away from me you are a piece of shit you never cared about me you only wanted to kill me and you were so sorry when I did not die when I had my heart attack and now you want a second chance to get the job done. I’m just venting and trying to stay busy. I just ate a bunch of ice and my mouth is really freezing. I can do this I know I can I can get through this day and tomorrow and the next day. This day just sucks. I will stay smoke free if I have to slam my hand in the door and break it so I can’t smoke with it.
Ok …… end of rant.
