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2020
Christine13

Low Dose CT lung scan

Posted by Christine13 Jun 29, 2020

I have my lung scan today, anxious, praying I'm ok for another year.

Christine13

Help - I think

Posted by Christine13 Jun 27, 2020

Hi, I'm not used to asking for help.  Usually I wait until it's too late to help.  I am working on day 4 today.

Since I've been awake and more groggy this morning, I've wanted to light up.  That's the trigger.  Tired, even tho I slept about 12 hours last night.  I am loving not stinking like a smoke tho, and I want to make it through the day without smoking.  I lost my internet connection this morning, so I couldn't get here to blog right away to ask for help.

I am very slowly getting through it.  I notice my brain was quieter the last three days, and today, there is a lot of thoughts and business in there.  Saturdays are always a tough day for me, because I don't hear from anyone in my family.  It's quiet, a little too quiet.  I usually listen to the radio when I get up but not the last 3 days, because the music always gets me thinking way too much.  Anyway, I'm finding lots of inspiration here, and I really want to keep going.

I sure as heck don't want another day one again ever!!  I only want days WON - as Marilyn would say.  Am I scared to be a success?

Yes I am because I've let myself and others down so much in the past!!  It's almost like it's a jinx, that I have to get through.    I don't want to be a newbie forever.

Ok, well, I'm rambling here, part of this is knowing when it's time to ask for help.  The craves are bad today.

I'm trying to use EX the way it was meant to be used.  As support and a tool for getting through the worst of the craves.  Wish all the voices in my head would just shut *up*!!  Ok, I'm going to get ready and go out to the grocery store and get my mind occupied on something else, even tho I don't feel like it.  That's me always stuck in one place.

Ok, I think I'm ok now.  Thanks for letting me ramble on and keep my quit!! xo 

I'm trying to get my act together here, and get something done here today, but it's a cloudy rainy day, and I've been feeling lazy.  Just listening to music, like I do everyday.  What happens if you're bored and you can't get motivated to do SOMETHING, just anything???  I'm sitting on my butt.  Not smoking tho.  I guess I'm just tired after getting up so early this morning.  Please tell me what you are up to today.  Ok, just rambling here thinking about Brian a lot.  I could have sworn I felt his essence this morning. I wish he was here, sigh.

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