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Posted by Christine13 Feb 26, 2020

I live my life for others, as we all do.  I am beginning to value my alone time, and I'm not so stressed out right now.  I realize that my quit comes with depression, but I am here, to challenge each day.  Today was a very good day, and so was yesterday.  No depression.  I have my cat Ruby Tuesday, and the others in my life.  You know the family members, and friends.  I have only ever ended two friendships in my life.  The girl that started me smoking, and the girl, that just couldn't see all the good things in life, or what I had to offer.  I lashed out at her, in my grief and pain, but she was toxic, to me.  Still I want her back, I'm not the one who ends friendships easily.  I miss her. It's the same thing with the cigarettes, altho, they helped me cope, My ex-friend Linda helped me cope, when I needed her.  It was a self defeating relationship tho.  I am just putting it out there, I did something I felt I had to do, after all the critisisim, but I think she was actually, meaning well.  I want to call her.  I pray she is ok.  You know, when someone gives you tough love, and puts your face on it, well, I don't take tough love very, well, and she was giving it to me all the time, while denying her shopping addiction, but I never pointed that out to her.  It is what it is, I want to make amends, but I'm not sure she is willing or able.  I don't want to set myself up for yet another rejection.  Ok, sorry just rambling here.

Signing off, I WILL keep my quit!!  Chrissie, keeping it real.

Hi SuzyQ called me today, to let me know she has no computer access right now, but she's keeping her amazing quit and she has 47 days and not smoked 705 cigarettes.  She asked me to let you all know, that she will be back as soon as she can and is keeping quit!


The days come and go.

Posted by Christine13 Feb 16, 2020

I am trying to re-define myself after working part-time, and raising a family.  Heck I'm trying to re-define my life after Brian.  I had a dream last night, he cheated in the dream, and I woke up jealous.  We were apartment sitting for a lawyer and her friend.  She gave me $10.oo, and an ashtray that said in it My Friend.  I loved that ashtray, and then Brian was buying a carton of cigarettes, and I said I don't want to do that anymore!  I don't want to!  I am not going to!

I guess my subconsious was telling me that I viewed cigarettes as my friend, cause I loved that ashtray!!  They are not friends of mine!!  Not at all!!!  It was an old comfort, and I'm learning new things here, to delay and distract.

It's all about learning and applying it.  I think I must have some kind of learning disability because I never GOT it in my brain, that cigarettes are not friends!!  They are not, and I'm learning to deal with life every day, and not use any excuses for myself............ahhh, it's all finally sinking in now, walk and deep breathe, and just get refocused.  I don't have anyone here anymore, but I am still striving for the perfect quit. xoxo Chrissie, keeping it real.

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