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2019

Hi my friends.  I was supposed to be going to Florida to meet up with two widow girlfriends.  We were going to be the three musketeers, and hang out at the pool, and go out for dinner and shopping, and just generally chilling out together.  Would have been the first time I've met them.  I met them online many years ago, they both stopped smoking.  One for 15 years the other has 4 years now!!  Trouble is I have an aneurysm in my brain, and if it ruptures and I go to see my American friends my health insurance won't cover me.  So rather than gamble that way, I'm staying here until this matter is resolved.   So I'm looking forward to Halloween and all the little trick or treaters too!  I've also got money to spend on the kids for Christmas.   I'm just hoping to make my 65th Birthday in March, cause you see I'm only 40 years old in my head.  lol.  But if I go, it would be sudden I hope!!  But by God I'm a fighter, and I don't give up, not even on the quit even tho, I've had great difficulty with it.  So now I'm going to enjoy Halloween and Christmas and just keep working to be free of nicotine.  I've had so much anxieties about going away when not well, and now I'm not, so I'm relieved!!

 

I go for blood tests next week, and a CT angiogram November 7th and then I'll know more about what's expected.

Keeping quit today, and going to my sister's tonight for dinner.  Many blessings to all of you, my friends,  It's all good, you can either be positive or negative.  I'm positive that God wants me around to be a ripe old 80 years old!!

 

By the way please say a prayer for the Californians who are having their houses ravaged by fire.  My daughter is there and grandson and son-in-law.  They will be without power again for 3 days.  Dale, are you ok where you are?

 

xoxo everyone, Chrissy as usual.  by the way Larry thanks for guiding the way for all of us!!

Christine13

*Just checking In*

Posted by Christine13 Oct 9, 2019

Hi, I just wanted to check in and tell you all that I'm doing all right this week.  I am working on day 3 today.

Someone asked me if I wanted to quit?  Or if I was quitting because I should quit.  For me, it's because I should quit, and I don't want to leave my children motherless at this point.  Monday was a horrid day.  I woke up and anxiety was off the charts.  I didn't smoke - I took an anti-anxiety med and took a hot bath a went back to bed.  I have just been feeling so overwhelmed with things here lately.  I made an appointment next week with my therapist and wow, I have a lot to talk to him about!  I am going away to Florida on October 29th, and I am meeting two other widow's there that I've never met before.  I realize my whole life I've had so much FEAR.  FEAR about quitting, loosing control, and loosing my sanity.  FEAR of driving anywhere, which at the worst of times makes me house bound.  I really, really, want to go away for a break, but have anxiety about meeting the two other ladies.  I find myself praying my way through things.  Last week I went to my Yoga class alone, and I got lost on the way there, because my neighbour usually drives us.  I was praying out loud that day and found my way.  The difference is with my quit, is I can't do it for anyone else but me.  I have had the ultimate in support here.  There is no reason why this can't be my last quit!!

I've done all the reading, I just need to keep it simple and not stick a cig in my face.  Tuesday and today were wonderful days.  We are expecting 2 feet of snow, and I got out and did my groceries and got to the bank to get my money for my trip.  The bottom line is - I want to live!!  i am admitting to myself that I've been wishy washy, and just not strong enough to make a comitment to this.  The result of that has been HELL, on my conscience, and makes me feel like such a BAD person.  I haven't gone the distance, but I need to just to vindicate myself.  For all here who have supported me, I thank you so much!!  Tomorrow is Yoga class again, I wonder if I will suck it up and drive in the snow.

My life is changing, I have to go with the flow and change with it or be lost in the abysse.

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