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2018
Christine13

I Choose

Posted by Christine13 Sep 29, 2018

I choose to remain quit today.  It really is a roller coaster ride.  Up one day down the next.  Today is an up day, in spite

of putting my hip out.  I go out tonight to see my great grandson and hopefully hold him, he is six months old.  I sure don't want to stink like some ashtray.

Christine13

What's next?

Posted by Christine13 Sep 22, 2018

Was totally sad today, just missing Brian so much.  Feeling overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to take care of myself.

But..........it'll be what it'll be.  He's not here, he's not coming back.   It's up to ME, what I do and how I live my life.

I can either wallow in depression or begin to move forward.  I'm lost, please god, help me find my way.  Yesterday I was also in a funk, I went to the park, and just as I was driving past there was a beautiful bride kissing her new husband, the bridesmaids were wearing long maroon dresses.  A new beginning for them, and a new beginning for me.  I sat by the river for a few minutes and then walked and there was a whole school of kids playing in the field on the other side of the road.  Makes me feel good just thinking about it.  Today I choose not to smoke, I will get through this day, with a little help from my friends.  On a fun note I have something to look forward to coming up in Dec.  I have booked a trip to see my daughter and son-in-law and grandson in California.  I won't be here the same day Brian passed away, but will be in the loving arms of my family.  Now if that isn't the best reason to keep my quit I don't know what is???

Christine13

Checking-In

Posted by Christine13 Sep 12, 2018

Hello, checking-in today, to say prayers for all those in the path of Florence, prayers for Mike and Ellen, and for Marilyn and her family and for all others here who are struggling with health issues.  Currently I'm waiting results of my mammogram done on Monday.  Hoping all is good, I am a breast cancer survivor hopefully 9 years this year.

Yup I had the whole meal deal.  Surgery, radiation, chemo, hormone drug called Tamoxifen.  I quit smoking back then with the help of EX.  I am working on my quit, and I am on day 2.  I have had a lot of trouble staying quit, go for 3 days, 7 days, 11 days, 15 days a month, etc, then smoke in between.  I guess I should leave the sight, because I've been here so long and not become an Elder.  I have taken smoking off the table.  I just don't want that to be my life anymore, altho the only one it affects is me.  I am changing my life here the last 9 months have been a 360 degree turn without Brian.

If I can live without him, surely I can say goodbye to my cigs too.  I have been reading blogs every day, and usually I try to reply.  I feel like I am going to "get" this.  I am trying to do something special for myself each day, and I've started walking again.  Yoga starts again next week.  I hope you all bear with me, I am in earnest.  xo

To our dear friend Ellen, who has been thru so much.  Our girl is celebrating today by going to work.

I hope it's a good day for you Ellen, you deserve it SO MUCH!!!

One of our greatest supporters, someone who, is kind, loving and determined!!

Love ya!!

xo

Christine13

So Down today.

Posted by Christine13 Sep 7, 2018

Feeling so down today.  I think I may be feeling sorry for myself.   Just picked up my prescriptions and they cost me $269.00 for 3 of them.   Put my hip out yesterday, and in bad pain today and I am itchy all over my body.  I feel so alone right now.  I know smoking will just make me feel worse.  What is it about inhaling toxic chemicals that I liked anyway????  N.O.P.E.  I think I need an attitude adjustment, I have so much to be grateful for.  Ok, time to get another cup of coffee and water and go sit outside.  Thanks for letting me vent.

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