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All People > Christine13 > Christine13 Blog > 2018 > February

Doing well today.

Posted by Christine13 Feb 23, 2018

Going out for a complete physical this morning, fasting 15 hours.  No coffee this morning, and oddly no cravings to smoke.  Guess my coffee was a trigger for me.  I have to walk close to the gas station where I normally buy my cigs,

but there won't be any stopping in there today.  Finally I think, I will be able to do this.  There is no option for me.

The only way out is through.

Went out to Yoga, had a good time, but came home and cried.  Missing my man, but not the cigs.  Today is day 2.

My neighbour didn't smoke in her car on the way home, and that made it easier for me. I will get through this day, I guess the tears are me healing.  I have nothing to numb up my feelings anymore and that is actually a good thing - I guess.  I am already able to breathe better.  I was able to take deep breaths, I am calm, and I will carry on here.

Hi my friends, yesterday was one month exactly since my Forever Man Brian passed on to be with God and his angels in heaven.  Was a pretty good day, went out for dinner with my two young women friends who I call "my adopted daughters"  Had a nice dinner with them.  After one of the girls dropped me off at home, the silence hit me, and I cried for 3 hours straight.  Not lonely, except for Brian.  Didn't want to numb myself up with a cigarette and let all the pain and anguish come out which were healing tears.  He passed on a full moon, and I went out to feed the neighbourhood wild bunny and look at the moon.  Now somehow, I've got to get through this grieving process without trying to numb up with a smoke.  Today is a semi-better day, and I've been talking to family and friends on the phone.  The question is, how, how do I get through this without smoking?  I've got a stock of lemons, cinnamon sticks, sugar free gum, and lozenges, that's how I'll get through.  I will NOT let this addiction rule my life anymore.  I've got things to do, people to see, and my daughters Tara and Cherie who need me, as well as 3 grandsons and a grandaughter, with a great grandchild on the way in April.  All great reasons to stay quit now!!  I will do it one day at a time, just like I've gotten through so many things in my life.  Thank you for letting me blog and share my determination to stay quit and my life as it is right now.  I love you all so have seen me through so much, so many repeated failures.  I hate this addiction and what it has done to me, what it did to Brian.  He quit 15 1/2 years ago, but still his body developed COPD.  I saw him hunger for air, from his COPD and influenza and his leukemia.  I can still hear his voice telling me to just say a loud "NO" outloud to the demon that haunts us all.  Just like you would to a bad salesperson at the door, Just keep saying No Thank you and they will eventually give up.  So no thank you to cigarettes, and all the illness and death they bring.  It's never enough that the cigarette company's want you hooked, but the cigarettes and their manufacturing is just pure evil.  I'm so glad I can see that now.  Well, you cant have me!!!  I will go fighting this addiction every step of the way, just like Brian did, and for once in my life it will be a win-win for me and for you too!


Love you all.


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