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2017

Hi everyone!  Just wanted to say it's been a really good 3 weeks or so.  There has been a lot less stress with Brian and I'm learning to handle things better without resorting to smoking or drinking.  I bought myself some lifesavers at the grocery store and now when I want a tasty little pick me up I have one.  He's gone to get his pump in this morning and wasn't feeling good today, and hopefully blood transfusions this week.  Since I've quit smoking I've been finding my original self again and my goofy sense of humour is coming back!  It's good to laugh again and to have people laugh at me or with me!!  I feel so good in my own skin, comfortable.  When I have a crave I just get busy and do something here and I've been really busy!!  Tomorrow night I go out to a girl's Christmas dinner and there should be about 18 of us.  None of them smoke, so no I won't be tempted.  I still have my triggers and I am aware of them, most of them anyway.  I think I'm actually learning to accept my quit as a new way of life which I've struggled with a long time.

It isn't about luck, but the timing of your quit can be important I think.  I want to thank all of my EX family for your support and always backing me up even when I was in failure mode.  I pray I am out of that now.  Sending love and smiles to all of you on this wonderful Monday!! 

xo

Christine

Christine13

Anticipation

Posted by Christine13 Nov 15, 2017

Hi, I'm writing because I'm anticipating the stress that will come with trying to get Brian through another weekend.

We had a really good week last week which was a blessing.  Now his blood is 81 and he needs two units of blood.

He says he feels weak today.  They won't transfuse him until Monday, because of all the antibodies he has from all the transfusions.  This may mean another ER trip this weekend if he can't wait until Monday.  Already my sick nico-addicted brain is saying, "Well, you should smoke!"  "You know you can't make it without it."  Well, hello.........I don't smoke or drink to get thru stress anymore.  I can get through this without you!!  I can and I will........you'll, see, so just shutup and go take a hike.  I am NOT smoking over this!!!  Phew, glad that's settled.

Just wanted to let everyone know that me and Bri had two good days, Monday and Tuesday.  I'm not smoking or drinking and I'm starting to feel better about myself.  Yesterday was the first day he was actually in a good mood in the morning.  He had a good day yesterday and I hoisted his heavy wheelchair into the trunk of the car, and in spite of snow, we were off to dinner out.  We haven't been able to get out to do that in two months.  It was lovely.  Days like those are to be remembered to help get through some of the tougher ones ahead.  Today I'm planning on going out to do some Christmas shopping and enjoy being out for an hour or so.  We went to see his surgeon on Monday, and his x-ray looked good.  Still no weight bearing for six more weeks.  We go back Dec. 18th.

Looking forward to a smoke and alcohol free Christmas, and I don't miss the alcohol one bit, but do miss the cigs sometimes.  This morning has been a good one with no cravings so far.  I know cigarettes go hand in hand with alcohol, and if I would have one or the other I'd be back at square one again.  Thank you to my EX family for always being so kind and patient with me.  Things to hold onto are the good days, and to just let the bad ones go.

Ever day on this earth is a blessing good or bad and I'm learning to see that.  Hope everyone has a wonderful smoke free day!

Christine13

Update: Brian and me.

Posted by Christine13 Nov 4, 2017

Thank you for your prayers.  Brian is doing a wee bit better but still exhausted.  Today and tomorrow are sleeping days for him so hoping his two appointments Monday go well.  I am still smoke and alcohol free here today.  I have some wicked thoughts about going back, but it's just my mind playing tricks on me.  I like the new me, and I'm really too busy to be outside sucking on a cancer stick.  Love having the extra time on the computer and feeling good about myself for a change.  Praying for him to stick around with me for at least another year.  I am going to talk to the social worker next week at cancer care for some advise on how to deal with my feelings in regards to his severe illness.

I think she will be able to give me some good feedback.

Loving you all, thank you to my EX family for being so good to me and us, and so supportive.

I am resorting to chocolate now instead of cigarettes and alcohol.  It's my new treat.

xoxo

Christine13

Running Scared

Posted by Christine13 Nov 2, 2017

I'm not smoking or drinking, but please say prayers or send good vibes for my husband Brian.  Scared I'm going to loose him tonight.  He's really exhausted, sleeping all night and day.  His blood is supposed to be ok at 86, but I will take him in for a transfusion tomorrow if I'm able.  They will only give him one unit of blood.  So not ready to loose him.  My daughter is coming over tonight to see us, and may stay the weekend with me.  I will take him by ambulance again, tonight if things don't turn around.  Prayers for strength please.  My brother-in-law is going to drive us tomorrow morning.  That will help me.  I've never seen him so doing so badly.

Thanks,

Love you all.

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