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Christine13

Difficult times.

Posted by Christine13 Aug 16, 2019

Right now, I'm focusing on the fact that I can get through these difficult times without smoking.  Thanks to Marilyn I realize there are going to be good and bad days, and you just have to ride it through.  I am praying everyday that my daughter's dog makes it through this trial.  Luna is her name and she is a great dane,  She has had many health issues and right now her body is rejecting a rod implant in her leg.  She and my daughter have been through so very much.  Luna weighs 160 lbs.  My daughter says she has a hole in her leg through the stitches and she can see her plate and a pin.  She is taking her to a specialist on Monday.  She doesn't want them to amputate, because she has been through enough pain in her short life.  Unless there is a miracle, she will have to be put down.

We both cried on the phone today.  I am praying hard that there is some other solution.  

Today when I woke up I was also grieving Brian hard.  I cried the ugly cry, guess I'm done stuffing my emotions and that's a good thing.  So I will, yell, scream, cry the ugly cry, but darn it, I'm never going back to the cigs.  Finally, I've had that ah ha moment, and I will just go through my days and do what I need to do without smoking!!

If you could only see that I need to take it one day at a time, and the day wasn't all bad, I had a great visit with my oldest daughter today and got to see my first grandchild, and he got his driver's license too!!  Tonight I go to bed and be comforted by god, and all of you here, who have always helped me sooo much!!

xoxo Chris

Oh p.s. on another good note, I've been walking again to ease my stress and it helps so much.  Yup, walking and praying.

When we were born were we automatically given this life force to strive and succeed or live for each day?

For some people God is not an option, so  let's take that out of the equation.  What drives us to survive?

I know for me it's people and giving back, and trying not to give up on myself and face the challenges that life has to offer. But through all my struggles I have felt this inner need to continue, even in my darkest days, and I am a believer in people, and mother nature, and god.  Isn't a miracle that we are all striving here to do the best we can do no matter what?  I am striving to be with this life force, and stop killing myself with addiction.

 

What do you think?  What has driven you to success?

Christine13

CT scan results.

Posted by Christine13 Jul 30, 2019

I finally got my results, some small nodes, repeat scan next year.  I'm keeping quit, and they said it was nothing to worry about so I won't.

Christine13

Wonderful Day!!

Posted by Christine13 Jul 23, 2019

Yup, got my kitty, it's going to be a nice hot day.  I will be spending my day out on the deck, crocheting and reading.

It's a great day to be alive smoke free!  I can sit under my tree in the shade and admire all the pots of flowers I planted.

I love smelling clean and the way my freshly washed hair smells.  I still didn't hear about my low dose CT scan, even after calling the Dr.'s office many times.  The receptionist said she'd reviewed it, and if there was anything to worry about she would have called me.  

Christine13

I'm learning.

Posted by Christine13 Jul 16, 2019

I've found out that I can only take it one craving at a time.  Not one hour, or a day, but babystepping my way here today.  My quit coach from Smoker's Help Line called me today and she said I've made a lot of progress.

I have been enjoying my new fur baby Ruby, and she's a lovely cat!!  It's no longer me alone to face the world.

I am still waiting on results of my lung CT scan.  I would just like to know what's happening, but as they say no news is good news.  Thank you God for showing me the way, and all of you who have shared your stories of courage and wisdom with me.  You all give me strength!! xoxo

Hopefully this day goes well and my lung ct goes well.  I am also supposed to hear from the humane society today about adopting a cat named Ruby Tuesday.  She is currently being treated with medicine for guilardia, a parasite that makes them sick.  She has been returned to the humane society 2x.  I hope we are a good fit.  She is only 3 years old, and she is tortoiseshell in colour.  She seems affectionate.  Anyway, I hope it works out for me.  I can't and won't bring home a sick cat, so I hope she is better.  I also hurt my right hip, so I'm hoping I can drive today.  No matter what happens I am not smoking over it.

Christine13

I'm alone.

Posted by Christine13 Jul 1, 2019

Woke up this morning, and it's a holiday - Canada Day and I am alone.  Blahhh, but I can either wallow in self-pity or go out to the park, and enjoy this sunny day.  I actually think I am sick today.  All night long I had a headache and sore throat in my sleep.  Dreamt I was drinking Chamomile tea for my throat.  I woke up and my throat is still sore and headache too.  I will take an Advil, and maybe it will pass.  Definately not smoking over it. xo

Christine13

Internet Issues

Posted by Christine13 Jun 28, 2019

Having internet issues with my provider, but thank goodness I was able to get on here tonight.  I was having a good old fashioned temper tantrum, about not being able to get on here all day.  Even if internet goes out again, I am a 1955 babe, and can pull up and tune out if I need, to and go back to the good old radio!!

My home phone also wasn't working the last couple of days either!  1st world problems, I have enough to eat and I'm grateful, for the day.  Even a bird pooped on me today, I laughed it off and washed it off, some people say that's good luck!!

Christine13

The Bride and Groom

Posted by Christine13 Jun 25, 2019

Well today the Bride and Groom, my parents anniversary is official June 25th, 1949 they were married.

My speech went really well, but I got choked up a little at the end.  Tonight as one last time to celebrate they are taking us out to The Keg my favourite steak house to celebrate.  I will try very hard to post a pic of them from an e-mail I have.

 

I couldn't do it.  Darn.  I learned how to post pictures from the files on my computer tho.

 

First I did my speech and then they renewed their vows, and then they danced to Moon River.

 

It was beautiful and touching.

Christine13

Big Party Tonight.

Posted by Christine13 Jun 22, 2019

Hi Just checking in to tell you I am going to a big party and bbq for my parents tonight for their 70th wedding anniversary!  I have a ton of things to bring and I've written a speech too, which I'm a bit nervous about doing.  Yeah I woke up jittery today, go figure.  I will have to find my way to the hall, I hope I don't get lost.  Don't worry about me drinking because there won't be any booze there, just soft drinks, water, punch, and de-alcohized beer.

 

Odd how even fun things can make you want to smoke, and being jittery too and stressed.  My parents will be renewing their vows today too.  That part is a surprise and I hope they want to do that.

 

I've got most of the stuff packed in the car now.  I'm excited.  Not everyday you get to celebrate 70 years of love!!

 

It's a cloudy day, and I'm hoping it doesn't rain.

 

Best of all, nobody smokes, and I won't be either!

Christine13

Help!

Posted by Christine13 Jun 9, 2019

I so want to smoke this morning - it's my junkie thinking.  I keep telling myself I don't need a cigarette!  

Christine13

So........today

Posted by Christine13 Jun 3, 2019

Today was a good day!!  Yesterday I was shovelling beautiful composted earth and planting a lot of zinnia's in Dad's garden.  It was really great to do something with my dear Dad.  We both took rests in between, did I mention he is 90 years old?  He did really well, and I realized how very out of shape I am.  (due to smoking)   This morning I woke up, and my first thought was blah, I am alone!!  Then my older sis called me, and asked if she could come for a 2 hour visit.  She is very against smokers and doesn't have much empathy for anyone beginning to quit.  She has never smoked, but she understands food cravings.  We caught up about Dad and Mom, and she cheered me up by coming over.  ( we are really close)

We talked about the fact that we always smoked in the house when the kids were growing up.  (They never did because they weren't smokers)  I said I feel so bad for exposing my kids to all of that back then.  My sister is often critical but she said, you just have to forget those days and move on with your life.  I don't think I could ever forgive myself if our kids came down with a smoking related disease from second hand smoke.  Anyway, my sister is great, and I love her.  Wouldn't it be so wonderful, if I could surprise her in a year from now and still be quit???

She has offered me love and acceptance, and for her that's huge.  So yeah, yesterday and today were good days!!

 

Ok, guess I'm motormouthing again.............I don't often do that, lol, except when I'm under stress.  I am quit, and going to keep it.  How about you?

Christine13

Update on my Dad.

Posted by Christine13 May 29, 2019

They were supposed to do surgery on him June 24th the day before their 70th wedding anniversary.  It has been cancelled due to low blood.  I am kind of glad because the surgery is dangerous at this point, but he is feeling poorly, and very short of breath and tired.  I think he needs a blood transfusion.  I will maybe ask to go with him to see his Dr. June 8th.  I don't know how much time I have left with my dear Dad, but it doesn't look good at this point.  There is such a bond between him and my Mom.  I don't think she'd live long without him.  So I pray he lives to celebrate their anniversary on June 25th.  I am very sad, and I know he is disappointed that they can't do surgery.  It's all up to god now.  I take comfort in the fact that he has lived so long a life and such a good one.  Love you guys!!

Christine13

Worried about my Dad.

Posted by Christine13 May 27, 2019

Worried about my 90 year old Dad.  The arteries in his neck are blocked.  Dr. said before surgery was too dangerous.  Today Dr. called him back again.  It's my guess that he will do the surgery.  My sister is going with him and Mom for the appointment today.  I will be on pins and needles all day waiting to hear.  It wouldn't help my dear Dad in any way if I didn't keep quit, so I'm going to stay strong and do this for him.

Christine13

My foot is healed.

Posted by Christine13 May 21, 2019

I fractured my foot back the end of February.  I've had four appointments since.  Today he said it's still cracked but it looks sturdy, so I can get back to walking and Yoga.  I had panic today in the cab on the way there and also in the office.  I really wanted to smoke before I left, but I faced my fears and went.  I did not smoke and I don't need surgery on my foot!

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