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I'm a firm believer in self-improvement, which is why I am here. I've been a smoker for 40 years, and it's time to quit. I'm looking forward to the new me; To being myself again!

Websites:,, and

Brief Description

I smoked for 40 years averaging 1 1/2 packs a day for many years. My Quit Day: 12/24/2016 at Midnight. Websites:,,



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I was already a sugarholic, but since my quit seems I'm eating more of it. And the salt! I've never eaten a lot of salt before. Now it seems like it's constantly pretzels or popcorn. Chocolate, licorice, hard candies, you name it.  Tell me most of it is a phase! 

Got about 6 or 8 sudden hard craves today, too. I felt close to giving in a couple of times. Uggg... 

One thing I AM learning is that, keeping busy really helps. My problem is that I do most of my work from home, and am on the computer a lot. Seems like everytime I get up from the computer is a cue/trigger (cause I used to go outside to smoke). When I am away from the house part of the day it really helps. 

Thanks for all the support you guys! Yer the bomb. =)  

I will not quit my quit. N.O.P.E.


It's Getting Easier!

Posted by Christine12252016 Jan 17, 2017

Apparently, that three week mark I've read about has some truth in it. I've passed my three week quit a couple of days ago, and over the last few days I've noticed that I'm not thinking of cigarettes as much. It could also be that I'm a little busier than I was before, but still, I think it will continue to get easier. =)  

My almost 73 y/o brother is about to have a three-way bypass in a couple of days (heavy smoker). I'm hoping he will be sticking around for a while longer and nothing goes wrong throughout this process. If something does go wrong and he should pass away, I must stick to my quit! I feel confident that I can, too. Just need to avoid my negative, smoking sister as much as possible. But that will be difficult since she's super close with our brother (she's 71), and I'll need to be there for support. *Sigh. It's okay, I'll still do it. =)

I AM doin' it!  

N.O.P.E. !!


Three Weeks Quit

Posted by Christine12252016 Jan 15, 2017

Made it to three weeks quit, as of 22 hours ago. The last couple of days seemed to be easier. Not sure if it's cause I've been busier or ? I think my deep breathing is getting to be more habitual, particularly when I start to feel stressed, and that may be helping.  I AM looking forward to it being easier and easier as time goes on. All while trying to keep my guard up! =)

Thank you to all of you supporters! You guys rock! Heck, it's nice getting support not just for quitting, but for ANYthing! For that, I am still sticking close by. =) 

This came to mind the other day, and I thought that some of you might be able to relate to it.  It is a sort of poem I discovered many years ago. Maybe some of you have seen it before. I related it to relationships, but thought some of you who quit several times might relate. I like it so much that I printed it years ago, put it in a frame and on a wall in my house! =)

There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk
– by Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault… I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.  

Is it harder not to smoke when you're depressed? I've been feeling depressed today and it makes me want to just give up on the quit. I guess I just feel like beating myself up when I get depressed which is why I feel like I'm going to cave in. I lose confidence and then get worried that I'm gonna give in. *Sigh.

Long drive (a good hour or so) to a new dentist that I found online. Was a bit nervous about the weather. Rain was suppose to be here later (this evening?) and I was concerened about getting home right after in case it became freezing rain. I did great on the drive there. Didn't think about cigarettes very much at all. Ended up staying at the dentist for 3 hours. Must be a trigger for me to stand at the check out desk at the end, cause I was wantin' one! Then I had the long the rain....after dark. Glad I had some hard candy with me. About 3 different times my mind was strongly going there and picturing me having one, but I didn't. =) NOPE. I've concluded that my worst time of day is the late afternoon into evening (about 3 to 8pm). Anyway, made it home safe. Nothin' freezing yet I guess. Next appointment is in February, still crappy winter time, but made the appointment for an earlier time in the day. This was my first long drive without smoking. Feeling proud. =D

I have a feeling that I'm catching onto my personal circumstances that contributed to how I have come to my own quit. Which all takes place over many years. I've been putting the pieces together. I still haven't got all the answers, but can now see some of the steps that led me to today (Smober: 2W 1D 12h 48m 39s). And of course everyones circumstances are different, but if my story helps anyone in anyway, I'll be glad. I'll begin with some history.

My first cigarette was a Camel no filter. I was just 10 years old. Everyone in the family smoked. I snuck a pack from my mom's carton and took it to my bedroom (no one would notice or suspect a 10 y/o, right?), opened the window and lit up. I didn't actually inhale though. I just puffed it into my mouth and blew it out.  I had two of these smokes before the pack was discovered and confiscated. Then one day after dinner, my parents decided to "teach me a lesson" and made me smoke two of the cigarettes in front of them at the dinner table. So I cried and faked coughing, etc. just to try and get the humiliation over with. I think that kept me away from the demons (the cigarettes, not my parents) for a couple of years, until peer pressure set in.

About age 12 or 14 I inhaled my first cigarette. I was hiding out in the neighborhood with a couple of friends, and we lit up our cigarettes. One friend watched me suck the smoke into my mouth (like I did at age 10), and blow it out. She asked, "how come you don't inhale it"? I was like, "huh?, I did!" (You see, I thought that inhaling was like I was doing, and not inhaling would be to blow INto the filter.  LOL)  She said, "no, like this", and showed me how it was done. I'll never forget that moment. That moment when I thought to myself, "are you kidding me!? Into your lungs!?" And so I thought that if they can do, I can too. That was the real beginning of my addiction. I sat and smoked two of them, and was really dizzy when I stood up. LOL Not sure what brand they were but I do remember we often would smoke either Marlboro reds, Kools, Salems, Newport or some other brands I can't think of right now. But they all had filters. lol

Naturally, I had no clue how addictive these things were, let alone how bad for our health. By age 16, mom and dad knew that I smoked and I knew that they knew, but I always hid it. Until one day, while I was riding in the back seat of the car, they lit up in the front and I leaned forward and said to them, "Since you both know that I smoke, I may as well smoke in front of you, right?" (knowing that age 16 was a good age for asking this question). That's when the smoking increased. They agreed, and I lit up. I probably didn't even smoke every single day until I was able to smoke in front of them. It easly led to a pack a day. As a side note, I remember at about age seventeen buying a carton for $4.95.  Wow.

Yes, I had been told that cigarettes are addicting, but I really had no clue. By age 18, I had decided that I will quit... when I want to. Then after getting a little educated on the addiction, I decided that I wanted to quit before I turned 30. Yeah, right. By that time, my addiction was much stronger and I was up to 1 1/2 packs a day.  I had tried a couple of times, but didnt even last a day.  Smoked right on through both pregnacies, thinking very little of it. Smoked in my house all the time. Everything smelled yucky, but ya got used to it I guess.

Years went by. Cigarettes controlled me more and more. And I knew it. I was always pretty good at being truthful to myself (which I think helps in quitting). I would continually plan my days and life around cigarettes. Get a job where I could smoke on my breaks, became an entrepreneur (my own boss), and have been working from home now for years.

THEN, things began to happen. My son was about ten years old and was learning in school about how awful smoking is. He also had seen me try to quit before, too. He suddenly began pitching fits when I would smoke in the house. He hated that I smoked and that I was hurting my health, but he also didn't want the second hand smoke in the house. How could I argue with him when I know he is right? It eventually pushed me outside to smoke. MY HABIT CHANGED right there. It took some time. I would try to sneak one in my bedroom upstairs and open the window, but he would smell it and have a fit (was kinda funny, but not). I remember that one of the main times I wanted to smoke was while I was on the computer. But I got used to being on the computer without, and having to step outside to smoke. I hated just standing outside wasting time doing nothing (except smoking). And many times the Michigan weather would be freezing, windy or rainy. 

When mom died suddenly (arotic aneurysm), I was so depressed and my smoking increased. I felt as though I was trying to smoke as much as she used to (which was a lot). As if I were subconsciously trying to join her! At the time, I had a contractor job at a place where I could smoke, and I found myself up to 2 1/2 packs a day.  I got angry and decided to make changes. I got rid of that nasty negative contractor job (that in itsself was unhealthy for me), and just started working mainly from home, and actually quit smoking for a whole 33 days while using Chantix. But the Chantix kept making me nauseous and I stopped taking it and started smoking again. I couldn't quit thinking about cigarettes. To tell you the truth, in hindsight, I think I put all the weight on the Chantix and not enough on myself, my beliefs, and my mind.

So I creeped back up to smoking regular again. Probably a pack or more a day. But it gradually went down a little. I was taking Welbutrin for anxiety and depression, and my cigarettes were down to about 10 to 15 per day. Maybe partly due to the Welbutrin, but also some habit changes. It got old having to go outside every single time, especially if it were storming or freezing cold. I started going out and smoking just a 1/2 cigarette at a time.  Since I was home all the time, I knew I could go back out anytime I felt like it, so 1/2 one would do me just fine. And being on the computer actually helped. It became a distraction for me. It would keep my mind and hands busy and I learned to be okay on it without the cigarette.

I decided that I've reached an age (54) that if I did not quit soon, it could really start to affect me in so many different ways that I'm not willing to accept. So I decided to tell the doc I want to quit and make a plan. Planning helped a lot. The healthcare system worked well for me in this matter. The counselor and a pharmacist are both at my doctors office, too. While I was talking to the counselor about the plan, the pharmacist came in and joined our conversation about my quit smoking plan. It was great.

I decided I wanted to cut down gradually and use the patch, and have the gum on the side for emergencies. In the mean time, I began to get more educated and boy does THAT make all the difference! That's the first thing I would tell someone wanting to quit. Read all you can about the nicotine addiction. 

Anyway, I was all set up with the nicotine patch plan of 8 weeks or something like that (maybe longer), and had the gum. I was only smoking about 10 to 15 cigs a day to start. The first week I cut to 8 a day. The next week 6, then 5, 4, 3, ect. In the mean time, I chose a quit day of Christmas. The timing was fairly close anyway, and I thought it would make for an easy to remember quit day. Part of the plan was making changes in my habits, deep breathing, etc. The plan was to use the patch while cutting down, and gum just when really needed, then after quitting stay on the patch for weeks, etc. But after I became more educated with website and, it did not make sense to me to stay on the patch. Heck, if I can cut down to zero cigarettes, why keep the nicotine!?! That was my thought process that did it for me.

I think that I was lacking some confidence at first which is why I wanted to cut down gradual and use the patch. But as I became educated on the subject, my confidence grew. It seemed that all the pieces to my puzzle were in place. The time felt right. So Christmas Eve I had 1/2 cigarette left that I finished that evening, then at midnight I took off the patch and haven't looked back. That was the last of Nicotine for me. I have never felt so liberated. I had said before that if I can quit smoking, I can do anything!

And that's my story. That's how my own personal quit came about.

I guess sometimes we just arent ready to quit. We have to have all the pieces of our puzzle there in order for it to happen and to stick. I know one thing though; Ya gotta get the right frame of mind. Ya gotta get smarter! And the way to do that is to learn/read all you can about nicotine addiction, etc. Watch/listen to Utube videos. Read. Learn....

And get positive. =)

Thanks for reading.  

>>> N.O.P.E. <<<


Quit day was Dec 24th at midnight 2016. It's been two weeks. I feel I've come a long way already. But the last few days have been a little more difficult. I keep feeling taunted somehow.  I keep thinking of a cigarette as a reward or treat. This is where I need to change my thinking, but it seems like I'm not able to make it stick.  Is it just a matter of putting the good information (Allen Carrs book, this website and others, etc.) into my head consistantly? Maybe I let up on it the last few days and just need to listen to his book some more? Or watch more videos?

I think it's the worst when I'm not so busy. As in the past, when I finish a task, or get up from the computer, or before starting a new task my brain wants to go to the inbetween "treat". And now everytime I think about it and of course tell myself 'no", I feel deprived. Empty. Longing. I keep seeing the ONE PUFF fullfilling the emptiness and longing. I want to get the image/thoughts out of my head. For good.  I feel like my mind is flirting with disaster and will eventually make it happen unless I do something....

Happy for this site. =) Not only is there wonderful support here, it's nice to be able to just have the place to put my thoughts out to. Thanks to all of you!

Listening to a book always helps me more than reading it. I'm going to listen to Allen Carr's "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking" utube book all the way through again. =) If anyone else could use it, here's the link:  >>>>  N.O.P.E. <<<<<


What Does It Mean?

Posted by Christine12252016 Dec 31, 2016

What does it mean when I'm having a day where I'm feeling on the verge many times. Does it mean I need more reinforcement right now? It seems like I've thought of smoking more often today than I have all of the past 6 days combined. Now that it is as late as it is, I'm feeling confident that I'll get through today, but what if I keep having days like this? =)  Yeah, that's me, "What If, what if..."