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BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 Blog

211 posts

Freedom !

Posted by BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 Feb 8, 2019

Today is my 4 year Anniversary and I had to come back to say hello to my Ex Family and to thank you once again for leading out of addiction from cigarettes and into the freedom of a smoke free life ! 

I have not been here in quite sometime and I miss you all and I miss meeting and helping all the newbies but even as I type I am having problems with this site on my Kindel......@ it is almost impossible ! I can imagine the typo's I!

So short and sweet I love you all ,especially all of the Elders and quit buddies that have helped me get to this 4 year celebration .(you know who you are !)

To all of you newbies stick with Ex and you will be free too ! Just say NOPE !!! Take good advice and do not quit on your quit !!!

I smoked for 53 years !!! I did it you can too!

  1. Hi Ex'ers !

I feel guilty because I haven't checked in with you in such a long time ! I do have problems typing on this little device so I will not take up to much space !

I just checked my numbers .....1361 days of smoke free freedom and I have this Ex Community to thank for all of them ! 

If you are new here or just trying to quit please stay with this Ex Community .I had tried numerous times to quit I was a 52 or was it 53 year smoker I got all the caring support I needed to finally make it !

There are Elders  here  (I will not name  them for fear of leaving someone out ) who have been here a long time and can help you as they helped me t to quit for good !

I never get craves anymore, have not for a long time so if you are new please know it gets so much easier ....if I were to smoke now it would not be because of a Nicotine  crave it would have to be a very deliberate choice .I do not know why anyone would want go back I love the freedom I have now !  

I spend so much time trying to edit as I go along because this kindle changes my words !!! So on that note I will close for now and try to come back more often to get to @ know some of the newbies and to see how my other Ex'ers are doing !

        Happy Halloween        !


Stressful Times

Posted by BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 Apr 17, 2018

It is day 1,164 (or there abouts !) and even after all of these days I still think about smoking especially when things are stressful . Note I said thinking about not  craving ! It is different although can be dangerous ground .That is why I am blogging tonight ....I have been thinking to much about smoking lately . I even dreamed I was smoking last night .

I want to bring these thoughts out of the darkness into the light ! 

A friend of mine quit for 8 years and when going through a stressful time lost her quit she then smoked for a year before being able to quit again .I don't want that to be me !

So glad that I have my Ex -Family to come to at times like this . Thanks for being  here ! 

Now cutting this short because my little dog Jonah needs to go out to do his business !  

Love Bonnie

This week has been a difficult one for me because my friend's sister passed away unexpectedly at just 53 years old . She had the flu went to the ER was sent home with Tamiflu and died a few hours later after she laid down for a nap . But when my friend called the coroner ( This happened miles away from where we live ) The coroner said he did a toxicology test because he had found an empty bottle of oxycodones next to her bed.  My friend loves  her sister dearly and this has been so hard on her .

On top of that her family treats her terrible !

I am trying to be  supportive but to tell you the truth I am getting the brunt of her anger about the entire situation and I have to admit in the last few days I have thought of smoking more then once even after 3 years of smoke free living !  

I believe I will make it through this trying time because I have all of you to come to and vent my frustration ! I know smoking definitely will not change the situation one iota ! It would make me feel worse and I would be so angry with myself !

Thanks for being here my Ex'ers ! Sorry I have not been here much lately but so glad Ex is always here whenever I need help !

You ,all of you Ex'ers have been my guiding light the light God sent to me to help me do one of the hardest things I have ever done quit smoking something I tried to do for years but could never make it past 3 months and sometimes not even three days and now thanks to you all I made it to 3 years today ! 

How can I ever thank you enough for being here ! I would love to name some names but for fear Leaving someone out I will not but you know who you are !

I also thank all the newbies who help keep day #1 very real for me ......believe it or not it gets so much easier with time that I honestly can forget how hard those first few days and weeks were ! 

I am afraid of timing out and loosing this blog so Thanks to all and to all a goodnight !

Stick with Ex and commit to your quit and soon you will be celebrating one milestone on top of another !

Love you all .......Bonnie 

You have no idea how difficult it has been to come to Ex since I lost my lap top ! It ius so frustrating because I love this site and all of you Ex'ers so much and even after almost 3 years I still need you !

I really like helping the newbies with advice and it helps me to give back what little I can.

That is why I have not been here as much and I do miss you all very much . 

Happy New Year Ex'ers !!!!!!!!!

Closing now before I lose this message !


HOPING AND PRAYING For BLESSINGS from  God FOR ALL of you today and in the coming New Year ! For all of you new quitters hang in there it will get easier and for those making your quit your New Years resolution congrats you are making one of the best decisions of your life !

Love and many blessings ,Bonnie



Our Thomas

Posted by BonnieBee.quit.2.8.15 Dec 10, 2017

I was just reading The blog Thomas posted today "75 ft " and I was reading all the comments and at the end Thomas posted "Being admitted to the hospital ,septic  " 

Has anyone heard anything more ? 

Please pray for him ! 

I keep losing my comments on this site so I will end before this disappears too.

Hi Ex'ers , 

I finally entered the Quad Squad this week and got my comma ! I want to thank all of you for helping me get to this place in my quit !!! 

I know sooner got here and a few days later had such a horrible day that I had to really fight the urge to smoke for the first time in a long time ! That nicodemon reared his ugly head and all day I had to fight the demon ! I had to keep reminding myself that i had more then 1000 days even though I suddenly felt like I had never quit ! I kept telling myself smoking would not make me feel better and it would be like biting off my nose to spite my face ! I knew I would hate myself if I lit up after all this time .

I don't need to get into the details  but suffice it to say it had to do with my anger which has always been the biggest trigger for me . 

I know I am an addict I may always have these moments of temptation but I know it is a choice and i chose to continue in this quit I really do not ever want to go back but it was a close call . I even picked up my friends pack of sickerettes and could have taken one that is how close I was to blowing this quit of mine !

That is one good reason never to keep cigarettes on hand after you have decided to quit because it is so easy to give in to an impulse that would pass .I think that many quits are ruined on an impulse ! 

During this awful day  my computer was ruined but better that then my quit ! I now have been reduced from a  beautiful HP lap top to the tiniest laptop I have ever seen . 

I am grateful to even have one ! 

I will never take my quit for granted I have worked hard to get to where I am today and I will not  give in to ole nic no never !

Thanks for being here for me my friends !





riends pack 

   Hi Ex'ers,

       I haven't blogged since I got back from vacation and it was a fantastic one well worth the wait ! I also was blessed with fantastic summer weather in October. I had a great visit with my sister, my son and my grandson amd friends . 

      My class reunion was a lot of fun  two very funny things happened to me . I was at the bar ordering my seltzer water when suddenly I had the strange sensation of the floor sinking the ore i walked the stranger it felt and it seemed more on the left side looking down i was horrified to see that the heel of my nice shoes had completely fallen apart and was leaving a black trail of material every where I had walked !  How embarrassing is that !???? All I could do was go bare foot and make the best of it by laughing it off ! 

Then the class president and others who had made the reunion possible decided they would crown a new King and Queen of the prom by drawing names from a hat  I said to my friend joyce I never win anything if my sister Diane were here she would surely win .....but it would be just my luck to win it barefoot I know sooner said that when I heard Bonnie is our new queen !!! So I lost my shoe but won the crown reminds me of Cinderella and her lost slipper.....The gay head Cliffs 


The MV Times newspaper was there taking pictures and there will be a write up in the Island Paper probably next week . 

I must say It was so great to travel on the bus, and the boat, eat out in restaurants go to the reunion stay with a non-smoker all of that and never having  to try to fit smoking in or sneak out to smoke or feel so uncomfortable in withdrawal waiting to have my fix !  It is so much easier being an Ex-smoker . If you are struggling with your quit don't give up it is so worth it to be free !


Vineyard haven harbor on MVI

                              me my son and his friends at dinner 


My class reunion Photograph I am the one with my mouth wide open in the middle ! Never could keep my mouth shut LOL

Today is a sad day for me and my friend Karen Our little Emma pictured above passed away last night it happened so fast there was nothing we could do Karen tried to hand feed her when we realized how sick she was but it was to late she cold not even swallow the blended greens . Karen took it so hard because really the  bunnies are hers more then they are mine she got them and does almost all of there care . 

The day before our car died Karen was driving and she didn't know the oil was leaking out ,by the time she realized it the engine was ruined . 

When it rains it pours as the old saying goes........... . 

For those of you who remember some of my last posts you may remember how disappointed I was when because of my illness and my daughter returning to Michigan I had to cancel my vacation to see some of my family and return to my beloved Island for a visit .

This is the  silver lining to that disappointment  : I was just notified a few weeks ago that we are having our 50th Class Reunion which is to be October 21st on Martha's Vineyard Island . Not much notice but if I had taken my vacation  earlier I would not have been able to afford to go again ! I was able to get a round trip bus ticket and pay the money for the reunion but then comes another problem car to get to the bus station in Springfield Ma. Karen had planned to give me a ride it is over an hour away . I may be able to change my ticket to leave from Brattleboro Vt. I  already changed it once because Karen bought it for me online for the wrong days ! Do you think we could get a hold of a real person at Peter Pan ? No way ! We had to drive all the way to the nearest bus station in North Hampton . Ma . a 40 minutes drive away  and an added $ 10 to change the ticket ! 

                                  So now what to do and our  little  rabbit Emma died ...what next !

I do know one thing I will not smoke over it even if I don't get to go ! I am over the need to smoke away my stress it never worked anyway. Stress ,disappointments, sadness ,anger and grief all the ups and downs of life were never changed by smoking. The relief was only the  relief of the stress and nervousness caused by the addiction itself. If you are a newbie it may be hard to see that right now but as you progress in the  withdrawal and the journey continues you will begin to realize this as a fact . The more your romance the cigarette in your head the harder it is to quit! See it as it really is..... an awful addiction  that you became hooked to and it  became a part of everything you did ,getting up ,after eating , when happy , when sad , after a shower , before bed , sometimes the middle of the night ( for me ! )  when driving , break time at work or even a reward for a task finished on and on   so much a part of everything !

                                             Break the bonds that chain you !!! Ex helped me to do just that ! Emma is the white bunny she was 9 years old now I feel bad for Lila she is left alone without her close buddy 


I do not blog often and it seems I only blog when everything is going wrong but I think that is a part of learning new ways to cope with the stresses and disappointments as an Ex-smoker so  thanks for being here and I mean all of you the newbies the Elders and all those in between !

    I haven't done a blog in quite a long time It seems I never can think of much to say I am better at commenting but it is hard to comment on Everyone's blogs, conversations, and questions  etc.. I thought I would  like to say hello  to all of my Elders. (Yes , I will always think of those ahead of me and more  experienced at quitting than I as my elders ! ) my buddies and the  newbies who may not even know me at all . 

                       Hello !!!!!!!

    I have a beautiful Apple Tree in my yard that produced so many gorgeous apples this year ! I was peeling them and cutting them up to make applesauce and as I was finishing I suddenly got such a strange and somewhat uncomfortable sensation that was mental and physical  all at once . At first I could not even identify the feeling and suddenly I realized it was a crave or desire for a cigarette! I hadn't had one like that in such a long time so   it took a few seconds to realize it was that darn " reward cigarette after finishing a task

crave "! I just smiled to myself  and carried on .....not needed anymore !!!

   For any of you newbies that are struggling with intense craves this is how they become so distant and weak  that one can  barely notice them but it is funny how even after 963 days of freedom they still pop up because the brain is still responding to certain  ingrained habits .

I smoked for 52 years of my life  I suppose it will take quite a few more years to erase those memories ! 

I want to thank all of my Ex'ers the new ,the old and the in between for being here. I know that Ex played a huge part in helping me make it and  I never want to go back..... no not ever no Day 1 for me ! I am so grateful to God and to all of you ! 

I am headed to the Quad Squad  and that beautiful comma ....Boy ! I remember how that seemed so far away .....Time flies when you are having fun and Ex certainly has made this quit fun for me ! 

Don't dwell on the negative unless you WANT to fail ! Think positive and be excited about your quit you have the power within you , it is there ,just grasp hold of it ! Quitting has been quite an amazing journey so far  and it continues to be  !  

                         Love you all ! 








  Hi Exer's

I would love to say I have had a great summer but the truth is it has been a very disappointing one for me .I try hard to keep up a cheerful and happy spirit especially for the newbies but sometimes one must face the times in life that are not so great and talk about them to the people who will be kind, caring and supportive ....that would be you my Ex -family !

   First all winter  I looked forward to my Daughter Melanie's visit in June then her marriage broke up and she had to cancel her vacation with me but I was happy that she was moving back to the East Coast ( from Michigan ) and would now be in Ma. and closer to where I live . (NH )

My Grandson with his wife and children came with her and all came to see me for 1 day ,this was the best day of the summer and I am so grateful that I finally got to  meet his wife and my two great grand kids Thomas and Aubrey .

  I was going to go on a vacation to see my Melanie in Taunton my son Jacob and my sister Diane on Cape Cod and then to my Martha's Vineyard Island to visit one of my Grandson's at least for the day ,that was before I got sick with a digestive problem that would not quit . Went to the MD and was diagnosed with lyme disease ....again,the  second time I have had it .I have been feeling so tired, weak , achy, and stomach issues continue and now made worse by the antibiotics .Therefore , I decided to change the date from August 9th to the end of August meanwhile my daughter suddenly ( not so sudden really, but to long a story to go into here ) decided to move back to Michigan !At first she was going to wait a few weeks and I would still be able to see her before she left but then very suddenly she was on her way ...saw she posted a picture on fb of the highway sign Welcome  To New York I just wanted to cry because I was so looking forward to seeing her this summer . When you get to be my age you not only  feel your days are numbered but you really KNOW it  and I may not ever see her again in this life.

   Life really has been bittersweet . All of our days are not happy days but I am happy about my quit ! There have been days this summer when I just wanted to say they heck with it all and lite up a cigarette and then I push through and feel so glad that I didn't ! 

  I know lighting up would not change any of the above disappointments.

     I am so grateful for all of you  and I am so glad that feeling accountable to all of you has kept me from relapsing ! The last thing I would want to do is to go back to Day 1 !!!

 I am sorry to post such a negative blog but I am ,at the same time happy that I can come here and just be real  about how I am feeling . Thanks for being here 


                                                        Love Bonnie oxox 



Hi Ex'ers !

             ( I really did not know how to title this Blog)  

   I have not been blogging very much I spend most of my time on Ex going to celebrate milestones on The Freedom Train .I remember how much it meant to me in the beginning of my quit to get support and to cheer others on well ,even at 907 DOF I still like to get and give that support ! I also spend most of my time commenting on conversations ,Questions or blogs .This site is so HUGE now It amazes me to see so many names on The Train that I do not even recognize .....even Ex'ers who have years in !

  I want to share with you all  that I have not been feeling well lately very tired, aches and pains , headaches digestive issues  (the big D ) for the past 3 weeks ,and a cough that began for no reason, and feeling very weak I have not even been walking something I used to love to do ! Finally got a Doctors appointment last week I had a chest x-ray which came back showing an area of inflammation possibly pneumonia or a virus and I was tested for Lyme disease because I had a tick bite in May that looked bad even though it was not the typical bulls eye rash .

   Long story short it came back positive I had Lyme in 2014 which was one of the things that lead me to quitting smoking now there are 2 more bars which means I am reinfected . The treatment approved by the CDC is antibiotics, strong ones for 21 days and I am not sure what to do . I never felt like the first Lyme infection ever was cured  by that treatment and antibiotics damage your own immune system . 

Has  anyone here had Lyme or is now suffering from chronic Lyme ? I would love to hear from you .

Enough of my complaining I will definitely NOT smoke over it ! Sometimes an illness can lead to improvements as my first case of Lyme did for me. I had to strengthen my immune system and I was changing my diet etc. and soon realized smoking just had to go !!! I could not get healthy while putting nicotine and all the toxins that are in cigarettes into my body It was a very strong incentive to quit !

I have been looking forward to visiting my family next week now I don't know what to do .

Remember newbies NOPE and SINAO are the way to go !

Today I actually had an unlit cigarette in my mouth and was all set to light it up ! I was very angry at my friend I won't get into the why's and the she said this and I said that point to that, but I will say I was about to light one of her cigarettes in the car while arguing with her  not because I really wanted to smoke but out of spite !  Thankfully I was able to stop myself before I blew it ! I realized who would I be hurting ? No one but myself ! It was a close call though..... to close for comfort !  

This anger management after quitting has been very difficult for me . I am a rebellious person by nature and usually my friend ,even though she is a smoker ,will refuse to give me a cigarette when I get tempted but the last few times she didn't really try to stop me I really had to rely on my own self control . It was a bit scary but I made it through . 

I am glad you all are here because in the back of my mind even during the "crisis" I think of all of you, my elders, my mentors,  my advisers, my cheer leaders, my quit buddies and even you newbies ...... when I am weak I know the power of the group keeps me hanging on !

You hold me up !