Today is day 118...almost through "NML"...I dislike acronyms immensely...everywhere you go they've got their own acronyms and assume that you "get it"...I am going to celebrate leaving NML with a pedicure..not this week, but when I have the funds...writing this down so that I remember that is what I'm rewarding myself with...It's been quite a ride, this quit, actually my whole life has been quite a ride, and I don't regret one minute of it...but this quit has been special because:
~I got involved with this support group, to the best of my ability and energy.
~I could no longer afford to smoke (organic American Spirits: $10/pack @ .5 pack a day = $5/day)
~I was tired of it all.
So, I got on the horse and took off. Doing OK at 118 days, won't smoke today, hope to never smoke ever again. It's been quite a ride this time around...needed to find a job to eat and I did, within two weeks of looking (a God thing, for sure, at my age). Working retail, lots to learn, minimal training, standing on my feet for hours at a time (I healed a broken leg 3 years ago, first broken bone of my life, happened while working at my granddaughter's preschool, blah, blah, blah)...anyway, I'm doing OK because I HAVEN'T SMOKED...decided I didn't want to die a smoker, and so the decision was finally made, the VOW like another Exer said (sorry, can't remember her name or do the @ thing)....
Well, I just "discovered" I "may" have ADD...or whatever label...splurged and bought a used book online today to find out more...I think my "addictions" were perhaps a way of coping with life for me...I already read "The Highly Sensitive Person" and answered most of the questions "YES"...and that was the first time in my life I felt that I wasn't crazy....I mean, who do YOU know who really dislikes escalators? They scare me TO DEATH!
Ok, I'm another ramblin' rose, but I just want to thank you all for being here, because I'm NOT smoking....working a parttime retail job that when I walk off the job I am NUMB from the overstimulation (I'm working a very busy cashiering position with minimal training), and I just know I don't want to smoke to center myself...I won't smoke, but I may have had "reasons" that I slipped back into addictive behavior...More will be revealed
Love you all, thanks for "listening",
Bonnie
