This coming Tuesday it will be two weeks since I quit. I have been in several situations where triggers have raised their ugly heads and played mind games with me. But I have held fast and have thought of all the positive things I am gaining by not being a smoker, especially a closet smoker. Sometimes I am so tempted to "just smoke one". The first drag or two would probably be pleasurable. The rest of it would cause me to feel guilty, hypocritical and like one who gives in far too easily. Is it worth all that self recrimination? NO. I would rather feel healthy and proud of myself for NOT giving in.
Today I made a hotel reservation in Denver. All of our children live there, one married with a child, and two going to school there. We visit there often for long weekends and always stay at the same hotel. We stayed there because it has smoking rooms. As a closet smoker who didn't smoke in front of her children, I really wanted that hotel room so I could go there to unwind and smoke. (My husband is a smoker, too, but he smokes anywhere. So the privacy of the room wasn't quite as important to him.) Today I found a new hotel property to try. And guess what...I didn't even inquire if they had smoking rooms. (Sorry, honey, you'll have to take your smoke outside.)
It's such freedom not to think about smoking or the accommodations I required in order to be able to smoke. It's freedom not to become agitated when those accommodations couldn't be met and I was forced to wait for my opportunity to light up. I'm grateful for the freedom to relax and enjoy every family visit and not worry about when I was going to be able to "sneak a smoke". There really is a freedom in being a non-smoker!
April Dancer
