I never intended to be a smoker. What I did forty years ago to "be cool" has stayed with me. Oh, it isn't a flagrant in your face habit. No, it's an insidious closet habit. Only a handful of people even know I smoke. They, of course, are fellow smokers. I never smoked in front of my children and I smoked only in the most private of public places. I lied on every medical form, always answering "no" to the smoking question. I always carried breath mints and perfume so as not to give my habit away. I have lived with a dirty secret.
Two years ago I finally came clean with my doctor and requested a scrip for Chantix. Coward that I was, it took me two years to bring the scrip to the pharmacy. Just carrying it around in my purse made me feel like I was doing something about my habit. When I brought it in to the pharmacy, it couldn't be filled because it was, of course, expired. Then it took me two weeks to call the doctor and request a new scrip. Once that was accomplished, I don't know how long it was before I actually embarked on the Chantix adventure.
I followed my own schedule with the Chantix. I smoked my normal ten to twelve cigarettes a day during the first week. Then I started to substitute some of my break times with other distractions. For about three weeks I reduced my breaks by 50%, smoking only five cigarettes a day. Boy, did I look forward to those five a day!
I received and filled the follow up scrip for the Chantix. After about three days on that, I was ready to let it go! Today was my first NO CIGARETTE Day. The only time I took a break from smoking was during my first two pregnancies ~twenty-six years ago. So the entire idea of not being able to sneak away and smoke a cigarette is quite foreign to me.
So far so good. I haven't choked my husband or fired any employees. Weirdly, I actually feel quite calm and even composed. I'm drinking more water, popping jelly beans or grapes into my mouth when I'm bored,and spending more time in prayer. I'm smart enough to know that I can't do this in my own strength. I'm trying to view myself as a fit and healthy non-smoker.
This is certainly the most I've ever confessed about my dirty secret. If I were a smoker I would need a cigarette about now. I guess I'll go pop a few grapes.
