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Share your quitting journey

Cancer

Angie-Lah
Member
0 15 32

I haven't been on here in so long. I'm 6+ years into my quit and have rarely struggled with it since getting over the initial months. And I'm not struggling with it now. I'm just angry. And terrified. And so damn depressed. I found out yesterday that my father has small cell lung cancer. It's aggressive. They caught it early but there's no cure for this cancer and 98% of the time it's caused by smoking. I don't even know which way to turn at this point. I spent last night and tonight sobbing over my keyboard in an attempt to get it out so I can hold it together at work. Prognosis for this particular cancer isn't good either. Only 2% of people once diagnosed make it to 5 years. Most die much faster than that. I'm so scared of losing him. He's always been such a larger than life person and to know what he's about to go through, what we're all about to go through, scares me to death. I'm depressed for my mom. She barely knows how to take care of herself. What is she going to do when he's gone? And I'm angry. The rage inside me right now scares me too. Every single last adult in my family smokes. We just watched my grandmother die a few years ago from emphysema and COPD and it's like it had no impact on them. What I did 6 years ago isn't miraculous. It isn't impossible. I quit. And it was hard and I hated how hard it was for a while. But I think the fact that I did it compounds my anger over knowing that this cancer was nearly completely preventable and now I'm going to lose one of the most important men in my life decades before we should have because of cigarettes. I don't know what to do with all of this. I don't know how to be there for him and not be bitter and resentful over the fact that this shouldn't even be happening. And I'm just scared.

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