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Share your quitting journey

The Girl Who Cried Quit?- A story of losing confidence in one's self

Angel.wings
Member
0 12 16

Hello Everyone, 
     I have attempted to quit 5 different times in the four years I've smoked. The last time it lasted two weeks, but than I went through a difficult time and used it as an excuse to start again. The time before that was the best I did. I was so proud of that. I lasted a little over three months and I messed that up with the rookie mistake of drinking alcohol too soon around people I shouldn't have trusted. 
   I am writing this now because I need help. Even though I have stopped posting on here, I have not stopped reading the blogs, looking for resoruces. I don't want to smoke anymore! There are SO many reasons why. But I still smoke....and that's where the problems lay. Bottom line: I AM AFRAID. I don't want to try again and fail. That's the worst feeling. I don't feel like I'll have a support system anymore because I've said so many times that I was quitting, and it still hasn't happened yet. Also, everyone around me also smokes. I have let myself down, and broke promises to myself. That's not who I want to be. I feel like I'm living a half life. I can't be 100% myself because an addiction is dragging me down. I put up mental blocks: "I can't do ___ because I still smoke. Once  I quit, I'll do it" On the other hand, my demons are whispering to me "It's not the time now. Wait till after ____. " 
    
This goes out to all the people who have tried to quit many times before it stuck. How do you get your confidence back? How did you finally step up and say "This is the time I'm gonna quit smoking for good! " and follow through with it? How do you rebuild broken trust after failing so many times? Any advice is welcome. 
     I don't want to be broken anymore. I want to live up to all my potential, without a crutch to lean on. I want to live my life without poision. My life literally depends on it. 

               -Alexyss         

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